LiFe's A BoRiNg ThInG

2012-01-31T23:05:00.003+08:00

Darling, i really miss you. i can't help but wake up everyday thinking of you. i cant talk to many people about this. Cause i don't dare to show my weakness. i have been strong on the outside always. but when i am alone, all the feelings come back to me. i really miss you very much. i still love you. Please come back to me, okay? Please.

2011-11-10T23:45:00.002+08:00

i guess i am so irritated with myself this time. i cannot help but feel that some people do not deserve my care and concern at all. Why should i bother wasting my time to care for these people when they do not even care about me. i am feeling very pissed off.

i am going to be selfish and be someone who cares more about myself, my girlfriend, my family and my close friends. People, who does not fall in any of the category mentioned, do not even bother to receive a text from me again. BYE BYE!

i am so lucky that i have my girlfriend to talk to for all my troubles. Thank you darling. =)

2011-09-05T21:31:00.002+08:00

nearly a year since i last posted on blogger. =) a lot has changed. i mean really a lot. cause there is someone who would finally tolerate all my nonsense my poor command of english and everything about me. and this person is my dearest girlfriend. yes i always do irritate her with my stupid actions my insensitive talks about other people so loudly and many many more. she gets angry at times but she has never scolded me. i really am appreciative of what she has done for me. i know i can be irritating when i keep asking what has happen to you. it is all because i care for you. but i have over done everything to make her so upset. then this time i have made her so angry that she decided that we should take a break from each other. i promised her that i will give her a break. i will keep to it. although today is the first day and i am missing her already, i cannot break my promise.

to my darling,

i love you! i didn't meant to make you so upset. please forgive me.

2010-09-11T12:42:00.002+08:00

things have changed a lot during the 1 month plus. haha. kinda sad though. but is like i found another bff. which i am quite happy with that. hmm. then kinda feel that i am back to the emo emo me again leh. oh my!!! i should hang out with frens more. then i wont feel that lonely le.

kinda miss the days before sch starts. now with tutorial after tutorials coming and i am just like unable to catch up. stress is mounting on me. =( will start my studying very very soon! cannot wait liao. dun wan to end up like last year because of smth then cause me to become so emo and depress and then screwed up my gpa. i need to meet new pple in my life. need to contact different pple. then also dun be so nice to frens and be lousy to myself. i should pamper myself already. i treat pple too nice then is like kinda nv get appreciated.

i know a lot of pple are very concerned abt wat i do and my emotions. i am someone who is super emotional and over sensitive. which is hindering me to move on. like wat is happening now. i kinda dun feel so well when like pple dun trust me. then over a small issue i can blow it up to a magnitude that everyone is saying i over reacting. i wan to put a stop to all this. this is not good.

just dunno wat i should do to make me less sensitive. maybe just dun care abt anything ba. haha. =)

2010-07-13T10:35:00.002+08:00

i somehow felt that i had done smth wrong.

i shouldn't have talk too much about my past. i should been more sensitive. i'm sorry i know this shows that i cannot give up on my past. but i can dare say. i have changed. i treat the past as lessons to remind me not to make the same mistake. i really wan this to work. i cannot give up at this point. i had always been a quitter. quit when i sense smth is wrong. but i nv see that there is up and downs in life. cannot because of one down then i quit.

I'M SORRY!

2010-07-12T02:17:00.002+08:00

i'm happy today!!! haha. the bbq auntie abi and all my ocip frens. enjoyed the day today. eating bbq-ing woots! so so happy and tired. on my way back i thought of a lot of stuff. i dunno wat to do abt some stuff. i dunno how to put it though. but is something very personal. maybe i should find someone to talk to. before i keep it to myself. but like everyone is busy. then who can i talk to. =(

but anyways. life still have to go on. haha. cheers=)

2010-07-11T02:20:00.002+08:00

Happy happy!

looking at my older post. i used to be super pessimistic every one always scold me for that. haha. now that i'm more positive in life. i wan to thank a lot of pple. like my good buddies who are with me all these time. wei long jim jin long jun yong adrian nicholas sebas yao boon aaron amos. the guys! then all my "sisters" mandy pei en jia xin xiu min hazel jia qun liang yu kai li wen jia seok ching yu jing liang yu. some of them really i just know in NTU de. but they are super nice to me. love them to the max! the world will be so different without u all.

after cambodia. a lot change within me. i can feel it. things which i used to think a lot about it. i now dun think too much. life is too short to think too much and not do it. now my life is full of hopes and imagination. like adidas tagline. nothing is impossible. haha. but some things are impossible though. =)

my frens all will love my new attitude ba. i believe. stubborn me will change gradually and also the vulgar me also. must not use vulgarities and lesser hokkien. something which a lot of pple call me to change very very long long time ago lo.

another thing i must study harder!!! no matter how hard to go to gpa of 3.0 i will still need to work that extra mile. i'm not stupid to begin with. just plain lazy. haha. saw my sec 2 papers. saw how i jump from moderate result to full marks. haha.

with that i shall see when is my next post. till then. ciao!!!

2009-12-10T02:41:00.002+08:00

December 10... A year ago... this period of time i'm still in camp... waiting for my super long block leave... But now... look at me... typing in front of my laptop... No more army stuff... Hmm... In a blink of an eye... It is nearly one year since i ord lo... hahaz... So cool lah... I feel so happy that i finish my ns lo... NS really taught me a lot of things... and i kinda like staying in there... hahaz... At least i no need to suffer from studying... Do my stuff own time own target...

Some update... my exams are over... and now thinking next sem wan to study wat elective... I'm sure i will start studying le... I played too much... Then nv study... And i thought i last minute can do smth to score better... But i think i'm so so so wrong... I'm kinda screwed... hope for the best for my result... No da bao... Even if have... I will not regret... I cause everything myself de...

Hope i will come back to blog soon... bye pple... hahaz...

2009-11-02T15:26:00.002+08:00

Some time since i come back here to type my blog... Life had been kinda screwed up big time... hahaz... Now it's back as my msn nick says... Lucky that i nv get involve in smth that i thought i will be happy... hahaz... Yep yep... really lucky... because i see the consequence of getting involve... I thought having this something will make me happy... But no... Now i see myself suffering should i had that thing in the first place... Hahaz... Yep yep... Muz move on with more impt stuff... Like my studies... Then also find my partner... i wan to get married by 30 de... hahaz..so muz start finiding liao le... If not dunno when then can find... Muhahahaz...

wat Wei long said is correct... No point saving a friendship when the other party dun appreaciate it at all... I learnt it the hard way... hahaz...but nevertheless i learnt a valuable lesson... A lot of things i wanna tell my bros my god sis and my good frens... But no time... either they or me are busy now... Need to talk to a lot of pple... hahaz... Mus bao gao also... Coz some of them ask me y i so emo for the last month... hahaz... After the exams... Sure will tell u pple abt it...

thinking abt it... need to thank a few pple for getting me through all this... wei long jin long apple and yao boon... U pple helped me a lot through the whole month... no need say anything... But there to pei me when i'm down... U all are my true frens... Not saying others are not... But i know u all are having exams ns and other stuff and some dun dare to come ask me wat happen coz scared i pissed off... hahaz... I know u pple do care...

feel like typing all the things that are going on my mind now... but had to restrain... Coz i scared evil pple come my blog and anyhow infer... hahaz... i also dunno who will be looking at my blog too... hahaz...

Wish my frens all the best... especially those having exams this coming month...

2009-09-22T02:47:00.002+08:00

Hey pple... i'm back... After so many stuff which happen last week... hahaz... Ups and down... Like wat someone once told me that there are ups and downs in life... one have to accept the down and stay with the ups... hahaz... I dunno leh... Too many stuff happen liao... Now is like i dunno wat is the correct thing and wat is the wrong thing to do... Lolx...

Updates... I had found another person who i can talk cock with easily... hahaz... to be my talk cock buddy muz be damm crappy and muz be almost same IQ as me.. which is not so high... lolx...

HAHAZ!!! Hope everyone is happy... Even if i'm not... LOL....

2009-09-11T02:44:00.002+08:00

very long nv type blog liao...

suddenly got the feel to write blog... i hate the feeling of being close to someone again... i hate being hurt again... saying until here... i feel so teary... dunno y... maybe the song that i'm listening now... shan hu hai... i hate it !!!!!! i think i got hurt so many times that any one more will really do a lot of damage to me... I dun wan this... I wan to study liao... I dun wan anything to happen to me... i dun wan to be 2 sides of me... i feel like shouting to the whole world... i feel so pressurize... anytime will explode... i need to cry, i need to shout out, i need other things to stop wat i doing now, i need someone to talk to, i wan to go punggol end!!! Arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

was thinking a lot of stuff while showering in hall... how did everything become like this... y??? y muz i suddenly be in this situation again... life is already going well with me in ntu and staying in hall. then came this thing... send me crashing down to the ground...

Y heaven always like this... juz when everything is going fine... then there comes something to make the person fall... they say falling down is to climb up and continue... but when it is a big boulder coming down... how to climb up and continue... i kinda hate life... what is the enjoying of life... where is that... bullshit lah... i dun seem to enjoy... i'm like suffering... that's y i'm tired le... so stressed...

2009-08-01T02:17:00.001+08:00

last post was abt 3 mths ago... many things had happen this few mths... got happy and sad stuff... happy stuffs... me got my laptop le... using my laptop to type this post rite now... a different feeling from using a pc... maybe coz the screen small... hahaz... then also... i finally earn back the money spent during my unemployed days... If not my father will be like saying i spend so much lor... Then a few pple's birthday and also... finally i ended my job as a promoter at intero... hmm... was a bitter sweet experience... i think also no point mentioning... coz no one knows how difficult to be a promoter...

Then sad stuffs... my granduncle juz passed away... kinda sad... Although we only met during chinese new year... N these last few years didn't get to visit him also... When i see him for the last time... He looked different from the granduncle that i used to know... He looked more thin and had grown a lot of white hair... but i saw another side to the funeral... I saw how young kids behave at a funeral... I think they didn't give any respect to the person... Y like this...And when i saw how the adults let their kids do... i'm like a bit pissed off... seriously speaking i'm not direct family members of the deceased. but i did make the effort to go down... then the kids is like "i dun wan... i dun wan..." Wat is this lah... Make me so pissed off... Ugly side of pple...

Then some stuff... I always make frens ard me very pissed off... at wen ying birthday... Not i dun wan to say anything abt me and hy... becoz i believe everything over liao... and some of the stuff is between the both of us... Dun think she also wan to talk abt it... So i dare not say anything... then because of my character i tend to shy away from stuff... I think i may have pissed some of them off...

Next... the overseas trip... I dunno how to really plan the trip... Yep yep... i ask adrian... He said today meet up then say... But i nv call him... So is my fault... then in the end i say i may not go for the trip... I pissed pple off...

Next... my driving... Smth which i hate myself also abt it... I juz can't really start driving lessons... Y??? I hate myself...

Next... I think i'm not a fren worth to meet up with... Am i such a bother... Y when i ask someone out and in the end would end up not meeting up... Y??? am i really such a idoit?

Saying so much i kinda dun like staying ard... I think i'm juz a attention seeker ba... Need pple to look for me and stuff like this...

Really need to thank all those who stayed with me all this time... i know i'm stubborn idoitic and someone with crazy ideas which none sound logical...

I wan to thank the following pple: wei long jia xin jiayi sebastian jin long jun yong kevin jia qun pei en mandy cheryl xiu min jimathan yao boon hou ying...

it won't be the same without u pple... u pple taught me wat to do... u pple taught me how to look thing on the other side... But sorrie... i still cannot live up to ur expections... I'm still tthe stubborn me...

2009-04-28T13:55:00.002+08:00

OMG!!! I finally know y pple say i very fickle minded... Now I saw this phone on GSM arena... This phone got it's like points... One is the 8 mega pixel camera... Then next is second generation of my LG viewty... The design is slick and very nice... With almost everything the same as arena... Except the camera, 3.5mm jack and the divx video. There's some bad points abt the both phones also... No flash player for the web explorer. Oh no... Y like this... Think wait for both phones to come out then i compare at the LG concept shop...

2009-04-24T13:39:00.003+08:00

The next phone which i wan... LG arena...Seldom i can find something which i like at first sight... hahaz... This phone attracted me in some way... Maybe the metallic design or the new 3d user interface... Looks like a iphone but has more than a iphone... with dolby sounds... I think this is by far the phone with the best sound... with a 3.5 mm jack... i can fit my creative earphones in too... So i believe that this is the next phone that i wanna get... Because my last experience with LG shows how good their phones are... very durable and tough... I still like my LG viewty... Juz hope my father allows me to take 2 lines... hahaz... then can use both phones at one time... But i still dunno the release date for this phone... can anyone tell me when u got the news???

2009-04-23T10:46:00.002+08:00

Arh... Today me last day at jurong point... Then i will rest until the 28 before i go to robinson on the 29... finally can rest liao... really need some rest... before the robinson sales kicks in... and no more offs for me... lolx... Sians... kinda long hours for me to work... But the satification that customers get when they buy ur stuff is very very good sia... hahaz... But these few days at jurong point really nobody come and see... So bored...

Kinda not thinking so much these days... probably i'm juz tired... hahaz... i dunno how to account to my countless mistakes in my life... and my 3 regrets... and dunno whether i can do anything to let me come out of my regrets... need someone to talk to... but who??? everyone's busy with work, ns or sch work... think i juz keep it to myself ba...

2009-04-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

Work work work....

Started working at intero bedlinen... Nice to know the new frens i made there... although they are from china... They are friendly sia... hahaz... not those who i normally see on the streets... Me kinda noob when i went back as a promoter... Some of the products i need to recall it's characteristics and functions... Not easy... dunno y they say i good at pillows... LOLx... Call me stand at the pillows section... Bo bian... Follow lor... hahaz....

I kinda suppressing my thoughts.... Hoping that i wont think of some stuff... some problems which i choose not to face it but to shy away from it... hope this can make me think less of this problem... The same problem... the one i say abt influence....

2009-04-08T01:12:00.002+08:00

Realised...

I realise that wat i always believe is not the truth in myself... Had a hard time getting to sleep yesterday nite... Was thinking abt the issue... I was not strong enough... That's all i can say...

Another thing i realise is that i had influence someone that the worst thing has happen... Now I'm guilty for the things that i say... The difference in speeches made when the whole problem was presented to the people who are involved... Now everything is wrong.... No!!!

I dunno wat to say abt this... Will snowball into a big problem in the next few months... I'm a goner...

How to get over this... Can someone totally out of this group of frens help me... I need someone to talk to now...

Btw i forget to thank jiayi for listening to me n my problem the other day on my blog... I finally can say out the stuff that is stuck within me this few months... Thanks Jiayi!!!

2009-04-06T14:50:00.002+08:00

A very short blog...

Need to write down all the things i wan to achieve this year... hahaz... Suddenly remember this year nv write down....

Work
Studies
New spectacles
Go facial
New clothes
Driving

probably a girlfriend ba... Hahaz...

2009-04-05T20:36:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to one of my favorite god sis... MANDY!!!

Was very very tired when i reached home around 4 am this morning... The reason? slept only 3 hours on sat morning... Then woke up at 13 00 hours to do some stuff...

Then drag drag until around 16 00 hours... I left home to go to ivory restaurant at clarke quay... Reached there and started the preparation of sebas's band stuff and the lightings... So many things to do with so little time to spare... Work work work... Then check sounds check the guest book counter... Then mandy came with her parents... and juz nice all the prep work seems done... then pple started coming in and within a hour it was almost full house... Hahaz... Ps for those who didn't had seats... hahaz...

Games started... Accidentally in love, it's all abt u... Then came the belly dancers... hahaz... Then the most impt highlight... mandy's fren and her father speech... It was so touching... Then Mandy's speech... Can felt that she was too touched by the father's and fren speech... Then the song U raise me up...

After that the singing of birthday song with blowing of candles... then the photo taking... Wow!!! she got so many groups of frens and family... Then the last song peng you...which i also sang and went off key at one part... lolx...

After that was party time... Went to drink quite a bit... And was smoke by shao shun... as i thought both were the same shots... but in actual fact one was whiskey and one was vodka... Damm i took the whiskey... Hahaz...

Drank a few more shots and a cup of beer... Then it was photo taking time again... I went around finding pple to take photo with... Took quite a lot ba... then i was kinda high and tired at the same time... lolx... it all ended at dunno wat time... i nv see my watch also... lolx

Took NR6 back home with hou ying zan jun jiayi nicholas jia xin eugene wei long... alighted at the place where i first met them... Nan chiau... Hahaz... i accompany jiayi back to her house downstairs... then we talk abt some stuff under her block... mostly problems that i facing now... Hahaz... She's a very very good listener... good to have know her... hahaz... Then 4 00 hours i left her to take the lift then i walk home lor... So tired but had lots of a fun yesterday... Can see by the length of this entry... hahaz...

ps. i might forget some of the interesting stuff or the order of events due to a very very tired me... hahaz... So dun blame me arh... hahaz....

2009-04-04T14:55:00.002+08:00

Am i a good fren???

Hey pple... To whom which is looking... hahaz... kinda long nv blog liao... but yesterday when i was walking alone to wei long house... suddenly thoughts filled my mind... i was thinking... Was i a good fren? Did i always give bad influence to my peers? Or am i always a problem to them then help? Suddenly i felt so small in this very big world... Had been thinking of kinda lot of stuff recently... Thinking did i influence someone to the way which the ending which i would love to see? Doing this will see pple get hurt or pple making the wrong decisions... Am i still a good fren?

Last time in jc... i had not been a good fren... I had most of the time ps aaron... A fren whom i know for 8 yrs le... A fren who i think understands me a lot... Then i can ps him... Am i a good fren?

In Ns... I had influence pple like jeremy samuel jesse to kinda rebel in camp... Am i a good fren?

I kinda got very vulgar in words recently... saying in front of crowds... might juz influence the pple ard me... Am i a good fren?

Sometimes I cannot help any of frens with their problem... Am i a good fren?

Sometimes I could not be there when my frens needs me the most... Am i a good fren?

I might also make pple thinking that i'm irritating.... Keep finding them when they are obviously not free... Am i a good fren?

I had left some of my frens thinking where am i... Where i had been too... Pple like my god sis eveline... She's one person who i think i really neglect a lot... Am i still a good fren?

After all this thoughts... It makes me wonder... How good of a fren am i... How i wan to salvage this situation? I really dunno... Really need someone to guide me... But who i can trouble to listen to all my near neverending problems...

It feels slightly better to say it out here... At least i dun really have to trouble pple listening... Hahaz... Okay ba... I have to prepare some stuff ahead of mandy's party... See ya!!!

2009-03-12T12:11:00.003+08:00

It has been a very long time since i last wrote a blog... hahaz... kinda rusty le... blogging today got a few things that i need to record down... First tmr is pink ic day... finally after 2 years of NS... Tmr is the day when i can take back my pink ic le... So happy.... Another thing is that wish wei long had a wonderful and enjoyable birthday from the 8 until the 11 of march... hahaz... Though very busy with entertaining pple hope he really enjoyed the whole event... and the disposable camera idea was thought up by the few of us... hahaz... it was very fun at the event... thinking that if the time was longer then better... time went by so fast sia... hahaz... hmm... another thing muz say is that after my wisdom tooth extraction yesterday... it's painful to swallow things... dunno y... hmm... with that i think wat i wan to say has been said... the next time u see me will be with my ic lo... hahaz

2009-01-05T12:01:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday...

12 more hours... i'm officially 21... Damm old liao... Hahaz... Had a wonderful weekend with all my frens both at the bbq and the prata trip yesterday... super long since we got a chance to talk all the old stuff back in pri and sec sch lor... too many things happen around us and sometimes we need to slow down to look at all the things around us... take care of the pple and things around us... yep yep... i feel very blessed to have frens who had been with me very long, as long as 13 years... then also those i know not too long ago... Hahaz... thank all for being part of my life... i dunno wat i wan to type le... hahaz... too happy these few days... hahaz... Shall think of more to type soon ba... hahaz... see ya everyone...

2008-12-31T10:20:00.002+08:00

The last post of 2008...

Yep yep... 2008 is abt to end in a few more hours... a lot has happen this year... starting with the start of the year... with the surprise letter which came from someone impt, then a very small birthday celebration, basic and advance theory test, paya lebar runway skate, clubbing, went drinking with camp mates, sing k, a few movies, army half marathon, many out field, etep, and lastly my super long block leave...

Lols... My super long block leave... talking abt it... It will be 24 days i won't be going back to camp... Wat the hell rite? leave combined with off, public holiday and weekends makes 24 days... So darn long... haha... Counting today... i have 72 days more to ORD lo... 10 more weeks... Hahaz...

Ya 2008 did not start well for me... becoz of some personal things... It's getting better already... hahaz... Hope 2009 will start with a wonderful tmr... hahaz...

13hours 31 min to 2009, 6 days to 21 and 7 more weeks to ORD...

2008-09-01T20:31:00.002+08:00

Life...

Life is going to be a boring thing if u see it as a boring thing... It can be happy and enjoyable... I believe that there are ups and down in life... Maybe it's the down time for me... Sometimes feeling left out and feeling that i'm leading the life alone... Then comes the boredom... And the feeling of tired of living... Haiz... Y like that???

I learnt to take things more lightly and dun hold on too much to things that are not mine... I felt more happy in this way... And yah... I'm trying to find some funs in my life... Any suggestions??? Hahaz...

Counting by the days... It's 193 more days to the end of the NS... On that day it will be a end of 2 years of serving the country. I wish i could do more... I'm considering applying the DSTA scholarship and to serve the country in another way... By researching and developing new ideas... Wish me luck...

I had this corner which is filled with all the past items that my good frens, ex and my god sis gave me... Lolx... Brings back all the memories that never fails to put a smile on my face... There is the friendship band from yi zhen... The encouragement drawing from tammie and many many more things... I always like the 2F and 4F class photo... Brings the sweet and sad moments of secondary sch... Lolx...

Yep... Going to go back to camp le... This week still got 2 test coming up... Hope to do my best...

2008-08-23T11:31:00.002+08:00

Argh... tmr is both xin xin birthday and the army half marathon... Can't believe that i'm running the 21km route... haha... i always had cramps before i reach the 16km mark... how am i suppose to run 21... hahaz... we shall see tmr... hahaz... Also i heard from the lesson plans... Back to back outfields... Oh... i'm going to be so so so tired after this ordeal.... counting to today... i think i had 6 months plus to my ord date... half a year more... Jia you!!! Hmm... Had been wondering does holding on to the past will help me not... I guess not... hope someone or something nice could spice up my life... hahaz...

2008-08-17T15:31:00.002+08:00

Very long since i last blog... Since june 7... Hahaz...

Didn't kinda wan to blog at first... But thought that muz update abt wat is happening ard me or with me... Hmm... To start... My bros had their own updates which i dun think i can blog it out... then for me arh... Still got 7 more months... Finally... It's getting closer le... Then this coming sunday is the AHM... Muz run within 2 hr and 15 min... Then i think can get 2 days off... I need offs now... Hahaz... I feel kinda tired already... Wanna get some rest... Also had not been meeting up with all of my god sis and good frens le... I think i will plan my weekends to meet them ba...

Hmm... Nothing to write le.. Short post... Sayo!!!

2008-06-07T19:38:00.002+08:00

At MOS>>>

Me forth time to clubbing... Still consider noob ba??? Hahaz... It was for the old specs and my PC who is ORD liao le... Hahaz... Got their pink IC back le. So good lah... Me still got like 8 mths? Hahaz... Hmm... Pple who went..

Jeremy, Hong Qing, Chee Hao, Weicong, Peng Yong, Jun Cheng, Shao Shun, Han Siang, Dylwin, Dan, Jerry, Jean Paul, Roger, Yong Qi, Chin Tiong, Jia Yan. Think like this only ba... Hahaz...

Then Wei Long Yao Boon and frens also came... Hahaz... Then was like a lot of my frens there... Quite fun actually lor... Lolx... Hahaz...

Then the party ended... The old specs and my PC went on to carry on their civilian life... Hahaz... Me got to book in later for duty tmr... Hahaz... Today's sentosa trip was cancelled due to the rain... Was thinking that i could go have a tan... Hahaz...

Then will be wed if i were to come blog... Next weekend trashed le... Due to live firing... Haiz... Lucky got my off in wed... If not... 2 weeks confine... Like BMT...

2008-06-03T01:41:00.002+08:00

Feeling weird these few days...

I dunno wat's going on with me... Suddenly i felt that i wan to achieve smth out from my hobby of building scale models... Hmm... Wat can i really achieve from that... Then i remembered wat my father said last time... He said that doing these models need patience... Smth i really lack of... Another thing weird is like there is smth missing in my life suddenly... Dunno wat's that... I felt that smth has gone missing in me...

On the 28 of may... Went for my advance theory test... Hahaz... And i passed le... Finally i can start on my driving lessons... Hahaz... Also that day was hou ying's birthday... Happy birthday to her and hope she had a wonderful day on that day... Hahaz... And i did wat i promised her... Then after the test no one was free to pei me for dinner... In the end i nv eat dinner... Lolx...

Short blog... Shall be back on wed nite... Had to clear my offs... Sianz... 3 days of off... Thrus fri and mon... A small block leave ba... 5 days... Hahaz... Also good lah... break... see ya guys soon...

2008-05-25T01:16:00.002+08:00

A very sweet sweet dream...

This dream is smth i had to blog in de... If not next time will sure forget de... Hahaz... Hmm... I dunno how the dream started... It stared with me and her... Dunno y it felt so close... Both of us were like we are a couple le... Laughed teased and did all sorts of things in a scene like orchard road... Did not remember the full details... Then i also met jia yi (girl)... Then she saw the both of us... Then i was like being teased... As usual... Lolx... Had been thinking of her recently again... Haiz... Y like this de... Everytime i call pple to fang kai jiu hui kuai le... But me myself had been trying to do so... But i could not do it... Y??? Maybe i really need another person in my life... My life dun revolve around this person only...

Although letting go is not wat i really wanted... but it's a fact that i had to accept... If not she may think i'm pestering her and it will be frenz no more... I'm not calling her out or anything coz i scared she thinks that i had not given up on her... Distance between me and her is getting wider and wider... Too wide that i also dun dare to patch it up. Maybe this is the best solution for me ba... Always a strong believer in fate... I believe that the right gal will be there waiting for me de... It may be some other pple or maybe going round in circles and finally back to where i started... Let fate decide wat i have to do in my life... Hahaz...

I'm starting to believe that she is looking at my blog last time... Maybe stop liao... But hope if she sees this she won't get paranoid and start ignoring me... I really wan to move on with my life... But i still clinging on to the past... Time will heal all the wounds that i have hurt myself...

2008-05-21T00:36:00.002+08:00

Finally the 6 days of offs are over... Nevertheless I enjoyed the 6 days... Although i spent 3 days slacking at home... Hahaz... Been thinking a lot... Like wat wei long jim sebas jin long they all had said... Some of the things i believe is true but there is some which i did not agree on... That day... i didn't speak much when we were talking... I did not know y... Maybe i'm very tired or i juz dunno wat to say or i know smth then i dun wan to say... Of the 3 option i think i'm at the last option... I believe that if there is a will there is a way... Though it might not be the best of best ending which u might have wanted... But i believe that as long that you have done ur best then is okay de...

I believe that my entire life i'm not been doing the best that i can do... In every aspect of life, there is always something that will make me feel de-motivated de... Weird rite??? Relationship studies hobbies, and i believe many many more...

Do anyone of u believe that watching drama series have impact on one's life??? I totally believe it... Even some movies also do make a impact on me... Drama likem rhythm of life... I dunno y... But it really did make me feel as if i'm in the show... It talks life relationship and many many more topics which i can't relate now... Hmm... I suddenly got this feeling that the plot in the drama might juz happen to me in real life... Hope it does not happen... Hahaz....

Other than thinking of these things... I enjoyed myself outside also... Like last wed went clubbing with wei long cherie and her frens... (hope ah hao hamburger they all dunno... I will get killed by them) Then there was skating... So fun sia... For quite a long time which i nv skate... Suddenly go back to skate like so scared... Hahaz... Now we thinking of reviving the 8wF spirit... Call all skaters... Who wanna skate... can join us... Call me wei long or anyone in 8wF... Hahaz... Hope i can go to the runway skating event at paya lebar airport there... The place where i had my heart shape scar on my hand de... Which someone say i deserve it de... Hahaz...

Time flies... Now is like may again de... Hahaz... Then is like last year i juz went into army and was so passionate abt army... Then this year... Is like less than 10 more mths to ORD le... So happy...

One year passed like a blink of an eye... situation has change quite a bit... Some frens left and many frens came into my life... But one thing haben change. The 3 important lessons which i learn from last time... (last time i call them regrets... Now i call them lessons) Still in my mind very much... Hahaz...

1) If u like someone, juz go for it
2) Always care abt other's feeling before i do anything
3) Treasure everything and everyone around, treat them as good as possible

A considerbly long post... Actually still got things to type de... But i think forget it ba... late le... Tmr stil need to wake up at 6... Nites to all !!!

2008-05-17T01:55:00.002+08:00

Finally can find sometime to blog le...

The past one month i been very busy and couldn't find time to come blog... I had done a few things to make myself more relax... Yep yep... Did felt more relax... Sebas came back wei long also came back... Seems like everyone is back. And jim jun yong yao boon and gang are going into army liao le... Hahaz... They seem very eager to join the service... I wish them good luck in their NS life... Hahaz...

Kinda wanna find someone who i can really confide to... How i wish i got a elder sis to help me lor... I always wanted a elder sis becoz of that... They are more concern abt their younger bro... Then i also dunno lah... My brothers are having their own problems... Won't wan to add on anything to them... Haiz... Even liang yu also not free... Dunno who to talk to sia... Although i talk to jia xin a lot of wat i'm thinking but i still got some stuffs taht i dun dare ask her... Something which i can only talk to liang yu abt it ba... Dunno y leh...

Hmm... Think i gtg to go sleep le... Tmr meeting Jansen aaron they all...

2008-05-02T16:57:00.002+08:00

Counting today is 11 more days then i start packing and look forward for a short break abt 6 days ba... Still a not bad break after some tiring things that i'm doing now. I sometimes felt so sick to book in into camp but had to do it because i felt that i had to be responsible for my own things. Feeling so much better now le.

During these few weeks, I realised a few things... I still haben quite do wat i wan to achieve this year... My 12 pull ups... Now think back to 6 liao. Then the inline hockey thing. I think i should juz forget... However i got smth done or should i say that thing came to be done... Kinda happy that the result wasn't quite the way i had think... Not too bad of a ending to the issue. Another thing i said was to appreciate everything and everyone around me... Made some improvement... But still lacking the effort to do... Especially with my god sis they all... Seriously for the things they help me and advice me on... They deserve more better treatment by me... As in presents and their birthdays... Kinda forget sometime sia... That's something i dun wan it to happen. Another is my brothers... Each and everyone got their own problem... What i could do is to advice them and not add on any problem of mine... In this case i'm still doing not bad... Only sometimes my moody face may make them tu lan... Hahaz... Had been pondering over some brother's issue... But i can't do much also...

Had mixed feelings this week. I also made a swear over an issue that i had been struggling with... The issue won't be said... But hope that this swear can let me forget the unhappy past. And nv to repeat the same mistakes...

Then there was a very sweet dream... That i told liang yu and 2 of my camp mates... How i hope that will happen but i dun think will ever happen. Even liang yu also say that is not that possible for that combination to occur. Hahaz...

I also tried to ment the sour relationship between me and a close fren... Hopefully the friendship between the both of us could turn better... I said a lot of wrong things in my life... And i think i confused the meaning of friendship big time... Hope for the best ba...

Sounds like i only got one sweet dream to be happy abt... Hmm... Hope for more sweet dreams... Maybe i can dream of a DG like wei long... Lolx...

Talking abt wei long he muz be looking like a indian by now... Lolx... 43 degree celcius sia... OMG!!! Hope he got sun block sia... Hahaz...

Got to congratulate some pple i know... Like
-Jun yong with his girlfriend( i dunno how many mths liao... As long they remember can le.)
-Xiu min and his boyfriend ( 3 yrs le i last saw xiu min de blog.)
-Wei long and his much awaited india trip ( lols. Didn't really know whether u like india not. But know that u like outfield)
-Jin long and his sispec posting( he had hope for this since he was enlisted...)
-Jia Xin and her uni posting( Hahaz... She's always worrying abt her cannot go into uni)
-Jim and his airforce test( Hahaz... Should be pass ba... A future protector of the skies)

And blah blah blah... Forgot wat i wanna type liao.

Wishes for me!!!
-Yeah juz hope to get into the DSTA scholarship,
-and find someone who i talk my heart out to.

It's near the halfway mark of the year le... Time flies... 10 mths and 11 days more... The much anticipated gift for me... On the 13 or 15 of march next year... A pink item. Hahaz... Guess urself... I think i should rest a while le... Gtg to go back to camp later... Hahaz...

2008-04-10T01:09:00.002+08:00

Kinda dun like wat happen this week... First it was monday... The "extra" person wanted to show off his powers... Make me very pissed off and i swear a few not so nice words... I mean we are not in the wrong... There was only some miscommunication only... Then we are punish... As if when the time to fall in we will still dare to stay inside our room and do nothing meh... "Use ur brain lah"...

Then come tue... News start pouring in... That i had to clear my offs...By this week... Sianz... I wanted to use this offs for more important events... But now i had to clear it... Sianz... Dun like this arrangement...

Still trying to change for the better... But still no progress... Dunno wat to do to help myself...

Gtg... Till next time...

2008-03-23T20:10:00.002+08:00

Another very long since i blog. Hmm. Seems like blogging is not in the trend now???

Some updates of me.

Now got my IPPT silver, pass the one year mark and still got left 350 plus days. Hahaz.

Hmm... Remember there's this time that i said i muz move forward??? It seems like i had never move a single step forward. I thought i could juz get over this very easily. But "NO". It is like i'm in a car and thought i press the accelerator to move forward. But i forgot abt the parking brake. Then it equals to me staying put. Argh!!! Hate the feeling of thinking of this problem. Yeah though i said i will follow wat u wan me to do. But then the past attachments and past encounters still fresh in my mind. Can someone please help me get out from this situation???

Yeah all my bros and god sis are busy with watever things they have. I dun blame them. Even with them going out with me. I dun really talk abt the problem anyway. coz i know my problem can only be solved by me and me only. Been thinking much this days. y leh? Maybe i have nothing to do at night.

Quite tired and i really mean it. Although there's already an ending, I did not wan to let go. For wat reason? i dunno y. I dunno y i hold this so dearly. I always tell pple to let go like a man. But me??? I dun even do it myself. Maybe i'm a bad adviser ba.

Wat i wish for now is some things or person who can change my thinking. Maybe can change me. So i won't be holding it on anymore. Will my wish come true this year? Will wat i wish for come true?

2008-02-17T20:51:00.002+08:00

Very very long since i blog at this very own website... Dunno whether pple are still visting here not... Cobwebs around le... Hahaz...

Many thing have came into my life and many had left... Like my old bunk... It was demolished within a week... It went down together with all the 30 years of memories of the unit... All the past trainees that had train there and all the happy times and sad times me and my platoon mates had there are all gone... It looks sad as there is no more place of memoirs to remember the very place where i trained...

Then some personal things also happen in the very one month that i nv blog... Some of them sad and some of them good... Made some new frens... Meet up with old schoolmates... And most probably lost a very close fren...

On the whole i'm still fine with my life... No more the very negative me taking all opportunities to think of the bad things... yep yep... many said to me that things that happen to my life are fated, however when opportunities come you muz grab it...

Looking back... Many happy times were spent with all my frens but some of them had left to pursue other things and frens... I treasure all the happy times and tough times that i had spent with all my frens including my gan mei's and brothers... Hope that we can meet up someday to relive the days of fun...

Yep... Quite some time nv blog le. I scared that wat i blog will affect u... Maybe u know smth abt me which i did not tell u... But u have to understand that y i nv tell u... I really did not wan to spoil our friendship and may nv talk again... That's wat i'm scared of... But now seems like everything is still fine with u... So I will follow wat u say... Hope that this mutual friendship will carry on without anyone of us being awkward... Take care of urself...

2008-01-07T11:36:00.000+08:00

Pictures...

06/01/2008

20 years have past since the very day that i have arrive into this world on 06/01/1988... 2 decades of my life have past. Had a lot of ups and downs in my life. But there's always this group of pple who are always behind me... They are my gan mei's and brothers... Really happy to have them in my life... Without them, I would have been some depression kid... All their advices and scoldings have help me a lot... A very big thanks to all these pple on my very big day...

Hmm... at 0000 hours i was at jalan kayu having prata... With wei long jun yong jin long and cherie... Hahaz... Ate until very late sia... Then send cherie back home before i go home... Then in the morning came the happy birthday sms-es... Hahaz... thanks to all... Hmm... Then in the afternoon went to sakae sushi to eat with cheryl xiu min wei long aaron and jia xin... They celebrate my birthday there also... lols... Got the video... I so pai sei sia... Hahaz... But thanks to u pple...

2008 had started well... As wat i had wished for came true. But hopefully my birthday wish will come true... That is ......... (cannot tell) lols... It's gonna be hell of a year ahead... With many exercise to go and many army stuff... After this year will be the slack time to ORD... Hahaz... End of another chapter of my life... Ended a long and grueling 7 year of unfruitful thinking... Will have to work hard to find smth new in my life... Shall start reading and chiong for my future... Yeah!!!

Credits to my gan mei and brothers

Brothers...

Jun yong

Wei long

Jin long

Sebastian

Jimathan

Aaron

Kevin

Gan mei's...

Cheryl

Xiu min

Jia xin

Pei en

Mandy

Jia yi

Prisicilla

Eveline

Katie

2007-12-25T20:44:00.000+08:00

De 102 post

Feeling kinda sianz... After wat happen to this year Xmas... First was a ubin trip which was suppose to happen but nv... Then my viewty phone have to be put on hold... I so wanted that phone... But wat to do... Feeling very cheated and being used... All i wanted is they also treat me well as how i treat them... But they return with a dun care attitude... All the gathering that i help ask... Did i receive all the replies??? NO... I'm really sick and tired of sms-ing and getting no reply... I dun wan to do this kind of work le... I HATE IT...

I dunno y i'm like this now... Maybe i'm juz tired abt this... I wan a rest le... Maybe u guys or gals can do the calling then call me join in???

Few more hours and i'm back to reality... In the army... For 10 days i had been in the "dream"... Finally the "dream" is over... Wish me all the best in the coming few days... The days which will determine my guard duties for future...

Haiz... My bros keep calling me to look at the bright side... They should be in my shoes... They will finally understand how i feel... Try sms and get no reply... U guys see the feeling??? If u tell me it's small problem... But think of the big picture... it's not the first time i kena this kind of treatment... So u guys think leh??? Pity me???

*For those who will reply my sms of the gatherings one... Thanks... Really appreciate that... For making my job easier...

Heys... Take care of urself... See that u are kinda busy this few weeks... Take good care of urself... Dun get sick wor...

Back to the army...

2007-11-26T01:55:00.000+08:00

101th post

Many thoughts in my mind now...

8wheelfreaks
Army
Her
My future
My friends

8wheelfreaks... Looking at our 8wheelfreaks video... I suddenly remember when i first brought my skates.... The first place it went was pasir ris park... Then i fell at the car pouch... So pai sei... Then when more start skating... Then came 8wheelfreaks... On the bus was this show 8-legged freaks... Then came the name of 8wheelfreaks... There we started our journey to learn slides and jumps... Then after that it was the start of our downfall... A levels came... Poly projects cames like water... Then after that... The worst of it all... Wei long's injury... There came a time when i thought back... Whether is 8wheelfreaks gone??? I do not know... But looking at the video we did... It brought back good memories... The fun and exciting skate on orchard road and the city hall MRT underpass... It was fun... The only video that motivates me... Motivational talks does little on me... Hope wei long's recovery is fast and 100% fit to skate... Then we will relive our glorious days of 8wheelfreaks...

We fall

We rise

We FLY

Army... Dunno wat has happen to our unit... Ever since the COC parade... Nothing i mean Really nothing seems to be good... A lot of bad things has happen to us... Extras fly like nobody's business... RSM... A changed man... No longer the man whom i respects the most... I start to detest him... My CO... The man who puts up shows in front of us and behind the scene stab us in the back real hard... I'm starting to hate being a combat engineer... I really dun feel like putting on the formation badge... I really feel like we are underpaid bangalah...Doing things which only construction workers do... I hate my unit now... Suffering now...

Advance
and
Overcome

Her... Abt her... I also dunno wat i can do... Sometimes i really thought that she's the one... But sometimes i thought... Am i sure... Ya... I still really like her... Think of her every now and then... The bbq she did not reply me... Many times i asked her out and got rejected... So how??? Wat muz i do... I think i may as well juz be single all my life... Coz i doubt anyone will like me... Super lack of confidence boring very auntie very naggy very hot tempered and I'm not that good looking to begin with... I'm tired... I'm really tired... Really need some help and advices...

8 years soon,
and still counting...
When is the perfect ending???

My future... Still considering of whether to sign up this contract to tie a bond with the civil service... To serve the nation... Frens had said that it ain't a simple job... And most of my life would be tied down... Wat am i suppose to choose???

My future is misty.
Wat to choose.

Time will decide...

Frenz... This the area that i'm happy with... Frens around me is like tonnes of medicine being put into me... To cure the disease call loneliness. they are all well in their indivual circle of life... I hope that it stays today...

Friends
Forever!!!

miss u... Wan to talk to u... Wan to see u...

2007-11-18T19:50:00.000+08:00

100th post...

Yeah... It has hit the third digit le... Lolx... Seems a far long way to achieve this... The first time i blog... Some 2 years ago... Now hit 100 le... Hahaz...

Had a bbq at sebas house yesterday... As usual... The turnout wasn't a lot of pple... Hmm... ard 30 i think... Met some of the pple which i had not met for a very long time... Cherie eugene yao boon hazel prisicilla xiu min lor... Was very happy to see them... Have not talk to them for quite some time le... To some of them... pai sei didn't have the time to talk to u all... Hehez... Then in the end left me wei long sebas jin long and jun yong... we played games on sebas the com until we are too tired le... lolx... Then woke up today to see jun yong and jin long they all gone to chruch... Hahaz... They are passionate christens sia... Then blah blah blah... Until now preparing to go back to camp le... lols... Dunno y i feel so pissed off now... Maybe because of one person who did not reply my sms... For a very long time... In 3 more hours it will be 24 hours since i sms the person... I dunno y... but i feel that at least the person should send smth in reply ba...

This person somemore is a person who is so special to me... Someone who i care for... The person dunno how worried am i... Maybe the person juz dun care... Aiyah... Forget abt it le... The person won't reply de...

Lolx... Getting angry over a reply... I'm stupid sia... This week got IPPT test... Hope can get a 8 chin up... Then can get silver award... Entitled to one day off and 100 bucks... Hahaz... Wish me luck...

Yeah it is u... I'm very worried abt u... Suddenly u juz dun wan to reply me... Wat happen??? Did anything happen to u??? Wat happen at ur dinner??? Too many questions with no answers to begin with... I'm fret up... Y am i living a life of worrying??? Good luck to ur exams in the coming week... Jia you... Anything u need pple to talk to juz find me ba... (i doubt u will)

2007-11-11T19:43:00.000+08:00

Heys peps...

Before i go back to the so far far away camp call sungei gedong camp... Juz come blog a while...

Hmm looking back at the last time de post... I found that one year has pass since my a level le... But it seems like it happen a few mths ago... Lolx... And saw my post of this gal tammie... One of my very good female frenz... A fren who i nv see for quite some time... Looking at those negative post... I felt i had changed a bit... Although the last post is still abt me whining abt problems... But compared to last time... I feel more positive le... Maybe because of army... And because of games came into my life... Spending time more at home with games and not relationship...

Thinking of relationship... I think i made some progress le... Hahaz... Hopefully it's true ba... Hehez... Then for my 2 bro de problems... They seems fine... But from my understanding... They are not... Deep down in their heart... Still has the problem... Nvm... Wait for the bbq this coming sat... I will talk to the both of u... Hehez... For the 2 of u... Dun be sad le... Anything juz leave a sms on my phone... Once i received the sms le i will reply or call u all...

This week got 8 km route march... Dunno whether i can take it not... The pace is very fast and i a bit cannot take it... Plus this week got section and platoon test... Jia you to my section and platoon sia... Hehez....

Hehez... Maybe i got progress in my relationship ba... But i at least starting to do smth... Hehez... I got no experience... Now trying to see wat i should do... Hehez... Dun blame me arh... Hope everything goes well for u ba... Hehez... Jia you for ur upcoming exams... I'm behind u...

2007-11-09T12:27:00.000+08:00

Argh!!!

I'm now strucked down with 2 very big problems... Both also not i not inside de... But i'm the middle man in the 2 incident... I feel choked... I feel stressed... I feel saffocated... And lastly i feel helpless... I see my 2 frenz in trouble and i could not do anything... I feel darn useless... Where were the times when all of us were happy and there was no relationship problems to hinder with our way of having fun...

Why??? Why now 2 of them are down with the same problems... Why??? I feel squeezed... I feel like giving up... I feel like not doing anything le... But will i do it??? NO... Coz they are my buddies... My brothers... For 7 years...

Wat abt my problems... Who listens to them??? Yeah... Someone once said that i put other pple problems in front of mine... Yeah... I always... Coz their problem are of much importance than mine... Mine problems are small case...

Argh!!! i dunno wat to do sia!!! Someone please help me out!!! Someone please teach me wat to do!!!

No matter how tough this may seems and how complicated it may be... I will be right there to support u all... Juz a call or a sms... I will try to make my way there... To my brothers... Stay cool and take care...

Hmm... Dunno whether it's a clue from Yue Lao... Some things seems to have change between me and u... A clue??? Like wat wei long say... Be good frenz first... Then after that then decide... Hahaz... That's wat i'm going to do!!! To a more happy me!!! Jia you... Btw good luck for ur test today... Hehez...

2007-10-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

Am i like someone who cause other pple to quarrel... Or izzit i'm so unlucky that when pple quarrel, i'm aways around...

Either ways i always could not do anything to help in the situation and may worsen the conflict... Y am i like this... y??? i sometimes wonder... How i wish i can dun be the middle man... Like in the army... It's only say say... Nothing has change since the last time i told myself not to be in the middle... But inevitably i'm always rolled into the conflicts... i hate it i dun like the feeling of being sandwiched... Can someone help me out??? How i wish i have someone to share my problems... everyone's busy army a'lvls diplomas business work skate chruch relationships... sometimes i wished i cannot book out... then i no need to bother about things outside... Haiz... i think my life is fated to be like this...

i dunno wat got into me today... I kept thinking of u today... Dunno whether u know how i feel not... ironically i wan u to know but i also dun wan u to know... I scared that after u know le won't talk to me le... I wan u to know because i wanna see how u feel abt me... I'm confused...

"y leh.. u got smth to tell me izzit" The question started from this sentense... Haiz... When can i find the right one???

2007-10-15T19:42:00.000+08:00

The 96th blog post ever since i started blogging... Not too many but not very little...

Looking at previous posts... Looking at past events that had motivate me or demoralise me... I suddenly feel that i had experience quite a bit in my life... Most of the post is talking abt me... With this girl who i like so much... But i dun dare to express it to her... Likewise, i had never really put in effort to make her feel that i'm always behind her... It's my fault... It has to be my fault... Being ashamed of myself... I decide that from this moment 15102007 1948hours i would change to be a better person... I will be more motivated in everything i do... Will not do things to harm myself and my thoughts...

Some might ask... Y for the sudden change... I felt that i had lost the meaning of life... i'm living life aimlessly... With no purpose no meaning and no goal...

My aim for now...
Get over and done with NS without any problems...
Maintain contacts with all my frens...
To date Her...
To change to be a better person...

To her...
Dunno whether u are seeing this or not... Yep Yep... I still like u... Coz the special feeling u gave when we first met is unforgetable and sweet... Hmm... Hope ya can give me a chance... Btw wish all my frens the best in whatever things they do...

Good luck to wei long in his A'levels
Good luck to sebas in his pursuit to his first million
Good luck to jin long in his NS due to come very soon
Good luck to jun yong in his studies and his girlfriend
Good luck to jim in his attachments and his driving test
Good luck to xiu in her studies, her new attachments n her boyfriend
Good luck to jia qun in her studies and her relationship
Good luck to the rest of the pple too... (sorrie to those who nv list out de... )

2007-10-08T12:38:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. juz came back from mac for breakfast cum lunch...

Went to sebas house to watch dvd yesterday nite but i was sleeping for the whole movie... Lolx... When i was sleeping... I had 2 dreams sia... The first one i dreamt abt was this 2 girls... Tammie and hou ying... It was quite weird... First i met tammie then i said hi to her then she seems to be ignoring me... Then no matter how i call out to her... She also nv replied... Then next i saw hou ying... The same thing happen... Lolx... The next dream was me fighting some robots... One person fighting some very big robots... To save someone i like... Forgot who le...

Not only these 2 dreams that i dreamt of this week... Got another 2 very weird one... One is ah long and the other one is ting ting... One was my ex supervisor and one is my pri sch fren... Suddenly i dreamt of them... Think i too long nv see them le...

Is yue lao sending me clues as to continue or give up??? The words i heard from someone suggests that i should continue... is it wat yue lao is conveying to me??? i need more clues... as u know i always not confident in myself...

2007-09-30T20:46:00.000+08:00

I'm back... After anther 13 weeks of course... I'm a full fledge armoured pioneer le... Go my formation badge this week... So happy... The thing which i long for so long...

Went skating yesterday with jim amanda and bao li... And ming sheng came when i was abt to leave... Went to meet my frens and after that went to K box with danne ah hao peng yong and han siang... I went crazy yesterday nite... Sang until very high... Nv had this kind of feeling for a very long time... So relaxed... Nothing to care abt and nothing to fared abt... Maybe becoz i'm thinking of her lately... That's y i feel a bit down before going to k box... But the beer and everything made me happy...

Suddenly i felt that my life had me meaningless...In the army... Listening to instrutions everytime and doing all the stuffs and when i book out... I juz do th standard things i do last week... I need someone or something to improve my life...

Think of the days back in high school... Where we had fun and suffering together for 4 years... I still remembered the days where u take things chase me to whack me for saying bad things abt u... Lolx... Remember the days where we used to talk a lot... But now u are in uni and I'm in the army... Are we going to be together in the end??? No one knows... Maybe one person know.. Yue lao...

If yue lao have planned us to be together... I juz hope he can give me some clues to start... If we are not meant for each other, I hope he could give me the cue to give up le...

2007-09-23T00:59:00.000+08:00

Long time nv blog le...

Finally got some time to blog... Hmm... This week was a vey low morale weekback in camp... Pple are leaving and we got hell lots of bad news... Basically nothing can be done to boost our morale... Even a nights out seems so bored...

Went skating today... Although with an injured leg... Had some weird feelings today... I could sense that she's at east coast but i dunno where to find her... i juz dunno ba... Then before we took a cab home... I was feeling very down... I also dunno y... Maybe seeing other frens attached and i'm not ba...

I juz dunno wat i'm thinking of and u are thinking of... I always hope for someone or something to tell me wat u are thinking... As long as i dunno wat u are thinking... It will be hard for me to give up...

2007-09-07T14:00:00.000+08:00

I cried today... At 01oo hours... For wat??? Someone close to me had juz left me... To some place where he can finally live without suffering...

The person is none other than my grandfather from my mother side... He's someone who i seldom talk to but the care and concern he gave me is clearly visible... It still hurts me when i recall going to my grandfather's house to see him after i quit my job at intero... He had slim down a lot... And now seldom talk... But he still ask me how am i... I still remember asking my mom y my grandfather slim down so much... She told me he was suffering from some disease... Then after that i went into army and could not go to his house that often... Yesterday when my mom call me to go down to his house, she was crying... I chiong all the way to his house to look at my grandfather... It hurts me... To see him suffering on the bed... And i feel so helpless... I saw my grandmother by his side crying... It hurts me even more... All i could do was to calm my grandmother down...

I stayed until 6 plus... I went back home... Ate dinner... And went to celebrate sgt han siang's birthday... Went to dbl O there... Was talking and chatting when my father called... My father call me to go to my grandfather house now... Sensing smth wrong... I ask my father... Wat happen... My father replied calmly and said he had passed away... I dunno wat i was thinking... i immediately took a cab there... When i arrived... There was only my second aunt and my uncle... All with tears in their eyes... I went into his bedroom... Saw my grandmother crying... When i saw my grandfather... my eyes too filled with tears... More and more relatives arrived... Then when the pple came to bring my grandfather's body... It hurts everyone... My grandmother cried loudly... My mother brought her into her bedroom... Only a few of us was out there to see them bring my grandfather away... I dunno wat i can do to calm my grandmother down... She was crying and crying...

Then when my grandmother calm down... My mom then told me that my grandfather was suffering from cancer... She also told me wat happen during the course of this week... I really felt useless... I'm a useless grandson... I did not know wat happen and could not even help any bit... I'm darn useless...

To all my frens looking my blog... I will not break the promise to meet u all this week... I will be fine in a few weeks time... To everyone... Thanks for ur concern... i really appreciate it...

2007-08-27T15:47:00.000+08:00

yeah i'm back!!! Nothing happen to me on demolition live range... It was a scary experence on the whole sia... But not too bad... Only engineers have the chance to do it sia...

A number of things happen to me for the past few days... First, I went to sebas house to stay overnight... actually wanna have a very good talk with my brothers de... But too tired le... Fell asleep very very soon... Lolx...

Then yesterday... Went for army half marathon... Walk for abt 9 km and onl ran for 3 km for the whole run... Hmm...Tmr is tue.. Another batallion run awaits me... Hahaz... Then after that went for lunch with wei long angela kevin aaron and wilson... Then after that at night went for a movie entilted hairspray... A very nice show after i went home to think... With jia xin and adrian... Later met up with pai pai... Talk quite a bit before heading home... On the bus called pai pai to talk lor... Very long since i talk to her abt my problems le... Although it revolves around the same thing everytime...Lolx... Then at night went online talk to hou ying until ard 2 before i went to crunchyroll to watch some movie clips...

I'm scared that i may lose my life on the day of demolition, that y the day before that i send every good fren of mine a goo nite sms... Then after the demolition... I finally realised that i need to treasure my frenz more... Coz life's short and we all need to treasure everyone and everything ard us... i now will treasure the times spent with u guys and gals more... For my relationship problem... I will tresure all the time and chance given to me... And hopefully i will get a da sao for my gan mei and brothers soon...

2007-08-19T01:58:00.000+08:00

Fireworks...

Yeah man... Juz came back after a talk with chee hao... Hmm... Went to esplanade for duty to control the crowd... Which i nv really did... Lolx...Hmm... Was better than the one on fri... Hahaz... Overall it was very nice for the both days...

Yep yep... Yesterday finally got the chance to talk to jia qun... And talk mostly abt my life... (pai sei wor... Always i talking) Hmm... Then ask her for advices for my life... Thanks Jia qun for everything wor... Will try to do the things u call me to do de... Hahaz...

Feelings for the day...
Hmm... I really feel like bao wen jing from honour an passion... When i see u, my mind go blank and i dunno at i doing... Somemore i dunno at u like and think our interest does not click ba... And i'm holding on the feeling for 7 years le... Will my ending be like honour and passion??? With pei pei accepting wen jing... I dun think so ba... Hahaz... Let nature take its course ba...

2007-08-15T09:42:00.000+08:00

Surprise that i'm home???

I'm now on comapssionate leave... For those who dunno...My grandaunt juz passed away... Feeling very sad now... Later i'm going to her funeral and then book in back to camp...

Something that happen yesterday night... Dreamt of on of my close female frens... Tammie... Quite long since i talk to her liao le... Think after that time wat i had said to her... We can nv be close frens anymore... Dreamt of me going out with her lor... Which i think will nv happen le...

A correction...
My demolition live range is next mon.. Not this week...

Btw i'm having duties on either fri or sat nite at the fireworks festival... Feel free to come find me...

2007-08-12T10:45:00.000+08:00

My personal DNA test result....(kinda true for me...)

Yeah... Finally it' over... The national day event... No more having to move 100 plus of big boxes and no need to be squeeze by the public for the clapper stars... So happy...But having aches on my back and hands...

Went skating yesterday... Was fun although i nv learn any new slides or wat... But it's becoz jin long jun yong nicholas gavin wilson got come... So happy that they came... Then was very sorry to jia xin becoz i nv plan properly then mak her come all the way to ecp juz to have dinner... Sorrie jia xin... Then yesterday my emo-ing has affected everyone skating... sorrie pple... Was really disappointed with some things....

Yesterday had a very good talk with xin xin... Talk abt HER and only abt HER... Lolx... Not refering to jia xin... But another her... Hahaz... She told me a lot of things and gave me advices... Thanks arh xin xin... Really happy to have u as my god sis...

Then today is book in day... Bored... But i muz be careful this week ba... Going to have live demolition this week... Wish me all the best wor... Hahaz... With that i end here ba...

Really hope that this week nothing to happen to me... Because i really wish that i can meet u some time soon... Juz dunno y... was very happy when we talk on msn for quite some time on national day... Yep yep... wat jia xin pei en an jia yi say is correct... i should move on le... But my feelings for u are not over yet... still wishing for miracle to happen...

2007-07-23T16:26:00.000+08:00

Quite a awfully bad off day for me...

Stayed at home the whole day... Only to know that i'm only going to meet sebas later for dinner... Did tried to ask her out for lunch... But got the normal reply... Then ask my bros whether they wan come for dinner not... 2 not free and 2 nv reply... Suddenly life feels very lonely... Although i got to know a few more frens both in the army and during skating... That does not mean that i will forget my old frens... I know some of them are really busy.... But it can be that i cannot see my bros for like a few weeks in a row ba...

Disappointed with myself also... I always say and say that i miss her... But wat effort did i put in to meet her??? NONE... Then u guys juz see me whine and whine over the issue over and over again... U guys muz be sianz rite???

To my bros...
I dun blame u all for not meeting up or wat... Good luck to wat u all do... And hopefully i can meet u all soon...

2007-07-21T11:25:00.000+08:00

My feelings for her now... I do miss her... But wat can i do??? I juz do not have thcourag to call her out... I think of her every now and then... No matter how hard the training... I can go on because of her.... This song really depicts wat i think now...

Gifts and curses(by yellowcard)

Mary belongs to the words of a song
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore
Why did I say all those things before? I was sure
(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(She is the one), and I have to fight this,
(She is the one), a villian I can't knock down.
I see your face with every punch I take,
And every bone I break, it's all for you
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you
Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
The city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her
Everything's small on the ground below, down below
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?
(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(She is the one), and I will be haunted,
(She is the one), this gift is my curse for now
I see your face with every punch I take,
And every bone I break, it's all for you
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you
I see your face with every punch I take,
And every bone I break, it's all for you
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
Still I will always fight on for you
Fight on for you, fight on for you

2007-06-25T00:06:00.000+08:00

Hey pple... Few more hours before i depart for AETC... Hahaz... I finally know wat's my vocation le... Amoured engineer... Hmm... Not very sure wat muz i do... I will know in a few more hours...

A short blog for today... Hopefully i can come out this weekend and update u guys wat does a amoured engineer do... Hahaz...

Argh!!! I still like u... i still do... But u won't like me de... Y am i still holding on??? No answers to that... Like wat pai pai say... it's abt time to give up... Find another girl... But i juz can't do it...

2007-06-23T01:37:00.000+08:00

Long time nv blog le...

NRIC:S8800387Z
Name:TAY RI SEN, JASON

Comd SAF BMTC wishes you all the best in your future posting.

Your Posting Order is listed below:

1.You are posted to AETC.
2.Your vocation is ARMD ENGR PNR.
3. Your are to report to: Sungei Gedong Camp, BLK 30, RM #02-04.

Reporting Date/Time:
25/06/2007 at 0800 hrs.

There is where i'm being posted to... AETC??? Hmm... Wonder wat's that... And ARMD ENGR PNR stands for??? Hahaz... I cannot confirm whether i'm in combat engineer or wat...

For some updates of myself...
Yep yep... I graduate BMTC with a status of attended BMT... Becoz i fail my IPPT... Had my graduation parade on the 13 june and then went back to Tekong for my re-24km route march... Some big and small things happen around me and bascially i'm fine...

However, it was thse few days for block leave that i found out that i had spilt personalities... The normal me and the very violent me...

All along i always thought that the very angry me would only come out when pple accused me or did smth wrong on me... However i found out that that wasn't the case... I sometimes might get violent for no reasons and start doing things that might harm myself... Scary???

Dunno wat has cross my mind this few days... But i did do somethings that harm myself mentally and emotionally... Maybe i really cannot take the stress that is upcoming...

Think i'm really tired abt life... Gone were the days where there is nothing to bother abt and care abt.. Everyday was a carefree day...

2007-05-19T23:05:00.000+08:00

Finally most of the important things are over nd done with...

Like....
live firing
SIT test
SOC
Field camp
BCCT
BIT
BAC

Now i'm left with hand grenade, 16 and 24 km route march and IPPT. The happy thing is that... 4 more weeks to POP le... So happy...

Yesterday i was down with high fever... With the highest temperature of 39.0 degrees... It's high fever sia... Dunno y will sddenly fall sick... I got attend c status until tmr moring... This would mean that i cannot take part in the 16km route march this coming monday... Sianz... have to make up another day...

This few days had been quite tough of a time... With strength traiing then followed by SOC. There's also the swimming which make feel very tired after the swim... these few days i also nv dreamt about anyone... Think is because i was too tired to dreams of anyone...

25 more days and my bmt training will be over... i hope i can get into the armor unit... But i doubt i can get in... To all my bunk mates... Jia you to u guys... Work hard to pass the IPPT...

2007-05-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

Back from field camp and after another confinement...

It feels so good to be out after the 2 weeks in tekong... Finally can meet up with friends my family... These 2 weeks can say is one of the most tiring weeks in my whole life... But i suvived it through... When i can back home... I watch the movie Music and Lyrics... It was a very touching story and also it has a song which is also very touching...

Way back into love

I've been living with a shadow over head
I've been sleepin with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time,to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

Chorus:
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Ohh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that its out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

Chorus:
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And If I open my heart again
I guess I'm hopin you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

Chorus:
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And If I open my heart to you
I'm hopin you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

I really like this song... Although the lyrics dun apply to me... But i can feel how it is like to be in such a situation... The lyrics shows a lot of feelings in it...

Talking about other things... Today when i was traveling on the bus to meet jansen and calvin...I was thinking about wat i had done wrong in my life and those things which i regret doing...

3 things which i regretted doing
I confess to this girl when the time was not right.
I spoiled a very close friendship with one of my closest female friend.
I had said smth that cause one of my friend to lose a opportunity to be with his dream girl.

For things that i done wrong... There's many... Pple do make mistakes... Do they? For the aove 3 things... I seriously will regret it and it will follow with me for my life...

Till the next book out... i'm off... Nitez...

2007-04-06T01:31:00.000+08:00

Ah!!!

After so long i'm back here to type my blog liao le... Hmm... A lot a lot of things happen during this break... As those who know me... I'm in the army now....Lolx... I was enlist on the 16 march 07 and had stay in there for 2 weeks before booking out last Fri... Then this week i got to book out on thrus becoz got good friday holiday.... Hmm...Brief discription of wat i have done in th last 3 weeks...

In the army
3 km route march X 3
4 km route march X 1(with FBO)
3 BCCT lessons
6 Strength training
A few agility training and speed training
Then last but not lest..... M16 presentation...

Outside...
Went skating!!!
Met up with frenz
Went to beach road
Went to find auntie mary and clement

Basically is like this lor... Hmm... Dun feel like typing things in detail... Coz of the ache in on my shoulder... think i will write until here....

Yes... I do still like u... I dunno how to say it out or do anything... My mind is full of u... U are my best motivation to do anything... Inculding swimming... The thing i hate most... But i kept telling myself not to give up... I muz jia you and achieve something... I dunno whether u care for me or not... But wat i can say is that i care for u... Take care arh!!!

2007-03-16T02:02:00.000+08:00

Good bye my frenz... And good bye to my blog...

Hey guys and gals... I'm going to the army in less than 6 hours le... A short blog here... Take care pple... Dun miss me... Hahaz... Bye byez....

Will be gone for 2 weeks...
Will be back...

2007-03-05T12:53:00.000+08:00

Oh... finally back after sometime...

Hmm... a few days ago i got my a level result... A shocking result... Y??? Coz i had nv expected this kind of result... I still remember when jonathan saw my result... I was like "wat the hell" The reason that i dun believe my result is because i thought i will fail for sure and retake le... But in the end...

Maths A
Chemistry B
Physics B
Gp C5

Oh... I was so shocked... But also happy at this...

And like wat i said to liang yu... I think my luck has run out le... And some bad things is going to happen to me soon... Because like the psp incident... I got the last white psp and it's also made in japan... A very small chance to get smth from japan de... Then plus my a level result... Think lick really has run out for me...

11days encounting to NS plus Botak head...
Jason ^39

2007-02-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

Festive season....

It's the forth day of the chinese lunar new year... Had quite a lot of fun over the past few days... With both good things and unhappy things to start the new year...

First for the good things...
The usual things on mind is the hong baos... Hahaz... But there are other things to make me happy... Like meeting up with long time frenz and meeting "Her"... Muhahahaha.... So happy...

Then the unhappy things... Oh... I can't eat this i can't eat that... That's how i spent the last few days... Oh man.. Chinese new year goodies cannot eat.... Oh Poor me... Then there is this sentense which i heard from jia yi... Which make me feel so down... Then also my grandma is in the hospital... Coz she kept coughing and coughing... And she can't go to the toilet... I'm so worried for her...

These few days had been ups and down for me... Hope that there will be a better tommorrow... Hahaz...

Oh jia yi... The sentense u said hor... I really think a lot... But i'm not deterred by it... Coz after much thought... I know wat i need to do... Wish me luck ba... To her... Tell u the truth... When i was waiting for u all... My heart was really beating faster than it should... Oh... Wat's the indication for this... U all guess ba...

A bit happy but a bit sad de....
Jason^39

2007-02-15T00:35:00.000+08:00

Valentine's day!!!

So a 40 miniutes ago... It was valentine's day... It's the 19th lonely valentine's day spent... Cool sia... Going 20 le... Hmm... As usual lor... Spent it alone... But forget it lah... Can't find anyone to celebrate with me...

Started work in at 11 at people park's OG... Was a sucky day today... Sales should be bad today... Most probably is the valentine's day influence...

Spend kinda lots of the day thinking of her wor... Lolx... Dunno why... Dun feel like working today...

Hope i can see her soon ba...

Shall leave with a short blog today... Nitez...

2007-02-13T10:33:00.000+08:00

Quite some time since i last blog...

Work

A few events happen over the last week... As some of u know... I'm now posted to OG people's park for the fair there... Cool sia... Chinatown... Then those pple at OG are crappers sia... Whole day full of craps... Lols...

Funfair... i@fun

Went back to innova for the fun fair... Was fun actually lor... Met up with nic jw aaron calvin they all... Wah... Most of them haf changed lor... Hahaz... Kinda sian becoz of some other things lor... But on the whole... It was fun... But the most ironic thing is taht i nv spent on the $10 coupon... Lolx... Forget it lah... Take it as a memory of innova...

Skate event cum prata...

After the fun fair... Went to jim de skater's world there to slack lor... Grease my bearings also... Then after work... Rush down to prata shop to meet sebas... Had a lot of crap going on there lor... Talk about a lot of things... Then after prata shop.... We went to sengkang there to skate... Was fun and tried doing parallel lor... But fell down a few times... Oh man...

8wheelfreaks

We decided that a new 8wheelfreaks t-shirt will be out before i go ns... Hahaz... Cool sia rite??? A second shirt leh... Still haben decide on the design yet lor... So freakers... Please help in designing the t-shirt... I had a rough sketch liao le...

2007-02-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

A story of a boy's dream of being together with a girl....

It goes like this...
First day of school... Everyone's excited to see their new classmates... A boy enters the still under renovation de hall... The floor was super dusty... Then everyone went to their individual classrooms... Then the form teacher introduce herself... She's miss tong... Then she call the whole class to line up outside the class to arrange the class sitting arrangement accoding to the height... Then that time the boy was the tallest in class... Then went to the last place... Then after that... Miss tong call the class to enter the classroom... Then sit according to the heights... Then the boy got to sit behind a girl... Dunno why... His heart start beating very fast... Then later to find that he had his own taste of love at first sight which he had only heard it in the tv... This started the boy's very very long liking for his girl... During the days in secondary sch... Many events brought the 2 person together... The boy in the end told the girl that he like her... But the boy got rejected... During sec 3's valentine's day... The boy wrote a letter to her... Told her again... And got rejected...

The boy felt very dejected... In the process of secondary sch... The boy had 2 girlfriends... Both of them he also liked them a lot... But broke up in the end... However, after every sad ending to a relationship... The boy still have a special feeling for this girl...

After leaving the sch... There's was no contact between the 2 person... However, one day... The girl sms the boy asking whether the boy had found a job or not... Then the boy started sms-ing the girl... Thinking that there's still chance... But the boy in the end gave up... Coz he thinks that he couldn't make it...

And this relationship has dragged until now... The boy still has the special feeling towards this girl... But he dun dare to express it out... Coz he thinks that he knows wat the girl is thinking... He is also very shy when he sees her... Making tonnes of excuses to avoid seeing her... Even at old classmates gatherings... The boy dun dare talk to the girl...

Now the boy is going for NS... He knows that if he does not say it now... It would mean that it will never happen le... But the boy dare not express his liking for her... No one understands and no one would had exprience it before... The boy is now on the verge of giving up... But he juz wan one question to be answered... That is did the girl ever like the boy???

Ps: Sorrie xiu min... I took the idea from ur blog de... Sorrie for using the idea on my blog wor...

2007-01-23T00:51:00.000+08:00

In some ways... I think i'm back to the usual me le... The suddenly happy and suddenly sad me... Hahaz... Was very happy when i finish work today... However... Then when the thoughts of someone came... Suddenly i turn sad... Haiz... Y leh??? Dunno leh... Juz suddenly... Now listening to the song jim send me the other time... Nice song... But very sad de... Talking abt a relationship de... Saw the lyrics lor... Quite meaningful... But cannot apply to me... Coz it's hard for me to find someone that i really like and someone who really likes me... With my pimple scars on my face... Those dark spots on my face... Who will like me leh??? Haiyo... This is my life ba... Hahaz...

Time really flies... Now is near the end of the month liao le... Then abt 2 more mths... I'm going into NS liao le... I'm really scared... I scared that something might happen to me... I juz dunno why... Maybe becoz of my phobia in the waters... Then heard from pple that in NS is the officer throw u into the water then muz save urself... I'm scared that i cannot save myself...

I dun wan anything to happen to me... Coz so many things i haben do... So many things which i am not ready to let go... And also one question which is not answered... I really wan the answer to the question...

Every memorable time we had togeher, I remembered them clearly as if it happen like yesterday... But i juz dunno wat u think of me... A pest??? A friend??? Or more than juz a friend??? I wan the answer... But no one can gib me the answer... Maybe u might wan to let me know???

An unanswered question...

2007-01-22T02:12:00.000+08:00

Short blog...

Hahaz... Muz type wat i wanna say as fast as possible... So late liao... Muz go sleep soon... Tmr work morning shift... Yesterday i thought that things that were not meant to be will never be... Hahaz... Sounds chim hor??? Very easy explain de... If this book has someone's else name on it... U can't make it yours de mah... Unless by some naughty moves lor...

Hahaz... Dunno y i thought of this... Lolx... Hope everyone's doing fine... I think after chi new year then i will haf more timefor frenz... But in the mean time... Muz work hard... Hahaz... Think this mth can earn a 1 k at least... Hope so ba... Jia you for me at Taka tmr... Hahaz... Sayoz and nites...

Still thinking of u... But when chances come... I missed it... Am i foolish??? Maybe we are juz not fated to be...

Dreams are always nice and sweet but it's so far from reality...

2007-01-21T02:58:00.000+08:00

So long since we.........

So long since me wei long jin long jim qi min jun yong met up to talk crap liao wor... Hahaz... So long sia... The other day at my birthday bbq... Didn't had the chance to talk to all of them... Coz kinda busy lor... Hahaz.. Hmm... Finally can talk crap liao... Shared kinda lots of things sia... Especially wei long with his NS stories lor... Hahaz... Hope there will be more gatherings lor... Our friendship nv dies... Hahaz...

Was thinking a lot today... Today i gain my confidence to shout hourly... Although is not very loud... And i stuttered a lot... I still think today was a breakthrough sia... Hahaz... I hope some of my other things can overcome also lor... Like meeting her... Hahaz... Was thinking of buying her a gift before i go NS wor... A early b'day gift... Plus some pple's gift also... Muz buy one... Hahaz...

Talkng abt her... Starting to haf some confidence back liao... Like last time in nan chiau... I'm glad also lor... Hope me and her really got that fate lor... To meet until each other... Hahaz... Then wei cong and feng wei say is correct lor... If a gal cares abt looks over character then this gal can forget it lah... Hahaz... Dun think she is lor... Hahaz...

Hmm... I really wan to know to the answer to one question which had bothered me for very long... Does she like me mah??? Ask a lot of pple liao le... Then all no answer de... Dunno is they really dunno or dun wan tell me de lor... Hope these pple can tell me lor... I would rather haf the truth than lies... So plz tell me... Hahaz...

It has been a long time since i really face to face talk to you liao lor... Hope you are doing fine ba... Dunno y suddenly i keep thinking of you wor... Even at work wor.... I dunno y... U really have a special place in my heart... I will not forget u de...

Time really flies... Now i know u for 6 yrs liao... Then know tan pei ying for 12 yrs liao lor... Super long sia... Dunno will meet any more gal which will haf such a impact to my life...

Deep impact... It will never be the same anymore...

2007-01-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

I'm the person who everyone should detest and should not be friends with....

Like wat jim said on the 16 of jan... I'm someone who u should despise and hate... Coz i hold on to some stupid rules of fate...

The story goes like this... Me and jim were suppose to meet to go john little to buy my shirts and belt... Then went to jim house a while... Then left his house to go orchard liao lor... Hmm... Then when we walk past bossini in hougang mall... Then i saw her working... I told myself that i should juz walk away ba... Coz i dun think she will wan to see me also mah... Then i quickly make my way to timex shop... Then jim go say hi to her...

After shopping... We decided to go to steven's mom's funeral to pay our respects to steven's mom... Then we walk past bossini again... This time i also did the same thing... Walk away... Then jim said somehing that i think i'm really that kind of pple lor... I'm a coward... I dun dare to face the reality... I always shunned away from these problems... I'm juz someone who takes everything for granted... I'm juz someone who u all should despise...

Note!!!
To jim...

Heys... Not ur fault for saying me... Everything is the truth... I dun blame u for saying that... That is my character... As a friend u should know it more than i know myself... As a pang guan zhe...

Ask anyone who knows me... I will always say leave it to fate to settle the things... I'm someone who cannot grab hold of opportunities when they come... Am i stupid??? I think i am....

Ming ming xi huan ni... Ke shi que bu gan jian ni...

I think i should juz stay single ba... At least i no need to care so much... And also i'm not those who take initiatives de... I'm juz someone who needs a push in anything i do... I'm sorrie my friends... I disappoint u all...

Yep... I finally got to see u... But i took another way to miss this opportunity... I'm stupid to do that... But i did it twice... I cannot blame anyone above now for not giving me a chance to see u... I purposely missed everyone of them...

I deserved everything i did...

2007-01-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

Today went to toa payoh there to find my black colour shirt... But... Found nothing... Oh man... Wasted trip sia... Then on my way back to Sengkang... I found out that i lost my metro promoter tag... Then the last thing... No sales today... Today compass point was very quiet sia... Then Jia xin hazel and pai pai came... Think they dunno i working there... Hahaz... Then talk to them a while then they go eat le... Was so darn unmotivated today... The feeling for unluckiness is overwhelming my thoughts...

With quiet compass point... Means no customers... Then i start to think other things... Like my whole life... My past... My everything... These few days i had been so tired... Slept so soundly... Nv dreamt of her... Nv dreamt of anything... I juz got some feeling that something or someone is going to change my life pretty soon... Not too sure wat or who... But i juz got this feeling... Capricorn de incstinct quite true de... Hahaz...

Walked pass hougang mall... Thought that fate will let us meet each other... But no... I didn't see u... thin u had already changed ur job le ba... Or transferred to another place le??? Maybe we are not fated to be together... Maybe i should had not tell u that i like u... Or maybe i should not had met u in the first place...

Maybe it's juz fated to be like this...

2007-01-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

Before u know how to move... Learn how to stop....

After the dinner with jim jin yao alicia... Send alicia to the bus stop then walked to jim house then i walk home lor... Then i was thinking a lot of things... U see the title... Hmm... An example... Skating... If u know how to skate fast but u dunno how to stop then how??? Hahaz... Then I thought of my life... A lot of things that i dun know how to stop before i begin moving... That's why i fell so many times in my life... Some might say... Ups and downs are part and parcel of life... I agree to that... But dun someone believe that downs are sometimes more than the ups???

Kinda tired staying in this world... A world who i can't find someone who i can really like, protect and care for... I know i sound negative... Maybe that person haben arrive ba... Some say... But can fate bring me some clues to my life??? I really need some guidance to from someone, something or somewhere... Or izzit juz her??? The very special her??? I wish that it's her... For i dunno how any gal in the future could have such a impact to my life...

In my dreams.... The feeling's nice... How i wish i can sleep a lot longer... So i can dream of u longer...

However, that was juz another dream....

2007-01-12T02:10:00.000+08:00

Time flies...

Looking at my friendster testimonial... Juz notice chuan's xmas testimonial... Hmm... It's sure fast sia... Juz remember adding the testimonial not too long ago... Then now it's already 12 of jan liao lor... Hahaz... Maybe working too much le... Lost track of time... Hahaz... Been thinking a lot these few days leh... Dunno y de... Keep thinking of her... Haiyo.... Dun think meet her before i go NS ba... I need to find days to meet up with old frenz... Oh man... Forgot mandy today go back UK le... I also nv send her... Sianz... Dun think can meet her before NS le... Haiya.... Stupid me lor...

Not too sure y i dun haf the motivation to work these few days... I can see the difference in the way i work lor... Think i'm too preoccupied by the thoughts of her...

Btw talking abt (should i say yesterday) Jim and Sam came to compass point to pei me for lunch... Hahaz.... So good lor... I'm always having dinner alone de... But nvm lah... working mah... So i'm fine with it... met kinda lots of NC pple today also... Met Aileen and ting wei wor... They teaching at NC leh... As relief teachers... Then also saw jia tee and chun kiat... Hmm... Not too bad sia... Hope to see more frenz wor... Last few days before i go to Takashimaya square liao lor... I think it will be a totally different experience lor... Dunno wat may happen lor... But jia you to me and my collegues!!!

Life's short and to find one true love is a blessing itself. But to find many many good frenz is even bigger blessing. So treasure the people around you.

My birthday wish is of wat jia xin thought it is... Although i know it may nv happen... But let me live my life in my dreams... Because in my dreams, the things i wished for would only happen...

Living life in dreamland......

2007-01-09T01:45:00.000+08:00

Back from a blog drought....

Hahaz... Hmm... Very long nv blog liao le... Got kinda lot's of things to say wor... Hmm... Firstly... I'm now working for my aunt... In the company call Intero... A company form by former Friven boss... Hahaz... Then now currently a Sengkang Atrium there... At metro Home linen Fair... Hmm... Kinda fun workin with joyce and wei cong... Plus other pple from other brands... Hahaz... But very tu lan is the king coil staff... Keep cutting my sales... But i got their product info le... Tmr maybe can make a comeback... Hahaz... Dunno leh... I also not that strong as a promoter...

Then 3 days ago was my birthday... Had a bbq at pasir ris park... Then met up with some frenz who i nv see very long... Like jun yong jia qun they all lor... Hahaz... Had lots of fun... I love it wor... But kinda disappointed that she did not come... Jia xin mandy pai pai hazel and jim should know who i referring to... Hiaz... Sianz... But nvm... Still had lots of fun also... My workplace frenz they all also turn up... And also... My ODAC frenz... Really wan to thank jansen... He came down as soon as he reaach singapore... Hahaz... Received kinda lots of presents... I liked them all... Hehez....

Dunno y these few days i kinda EMO sia... Kept thinking of things that happen in the past... Then thought of her... Then my frenz... Dunno y lor... A bit dun feel like workin sometimes... But i pushed myself for the sales lor... Hahaz... Jia you to me... Hahaz...

To those who wished me happy birthday or came to my party de...

THANKS to you all... I really appreciate it...

2006-12-23T01:53:00.000+08:00

In the end... Nv treat the baleno gal...

Went to quite a few places today... First was to go grandma house to eat tang yuan... Nice nice... Then go Jeffrey there to cut hair... But today super lots of pple... Then nv go cut le... Then went to jing yao house to watch Dr Dolittle 3... Super nice flim... Hahaz... Then went to OG albert there to meet the baleno gal lor... Hahaz... But in the end also nv treat her... Coz she not free... And her boss dunno wat time give her break... So i went into OG to see whether xin xin got work today or not... Too bad... She nv work...

After that... I walked from OG to citylink mall... So darn far sia... But lucky... I nv get lost... Hahaz... Then help jim change his wallet... Then took 162 lor... Actually wan stop at Taka... Then go see aaron de... But raining heavily... Then i took the bus to upper thomson there lor... Change 163 then go back to sengkang... Hahaz... Then on the bus meet until zhan long... So long nv see him liao... Hahaz... Talk a while lor... Then when home lor... Hahaz... Kinda boring day ba... But i did some serious thinking on the bus... Hahaz... Maybe i should do this often... Like last time... Hmm... Oh ya... Very long nv find jonathan they all le... Find someday i need to go find them... Before my next bedsheet fair... Hahaz... Think is on the 27 dec ba... Not pretty sure also...

Hmm... Dunno wat to do tmr... Think if no one call me out then i go skate alone lor... Hahaz... I gtg le... nitez...

2006-12-21T12:21:00.000+08:00

Nice working experience....

Hmm... For those who dunno wat job i'm working at.... I'm working as a promoter for my aunt's bedsheet brand... IDE and intero... Hmm... So fun working there... Got to know a few good friends there... Like chin cheong, jia hong, gareen, ah siao(dunno her real name) ah long, bing da, auntie jenny and auntie xiao lan... So cool working with them... They are fun and funny pple... But i kinda quiet ba... hahaz... Maybe my usual self ba... Now the fair at OG albert is over... I need to wait for my next fair... Think is expo de fair... Where i will really experience the full force of competitors... Hmm... will brush up my serving skills... Hope we can win other brands...

Yesterday... after the fair... we went to eat at a coffee shop... Then went to Cuppage there to sing KTV... I was very shy at first... But after long persuation... Finally sing lor... Hahaz... The mic like dun like me lor... Always i take mic then no sound... Or maybe i sing to softly liao??? Lolx...

Was a very good exposure for me lor... hahaz... Saw those unreasonable customers and those who are very friendly... Hahaz... Shall wait for the next fair...

Btw extra things... I also meet a baleno gal... This gal help me when i was caught by OG security guard.... Damm sia... Coz OG can only wear black... But i wore a dark blue shirt... So kena scolded... This gal then help me find a black T-shirt... Then i faster ran back to help auntie xiao lan with the wagons... Was a pretty unlucky day for me... I also nearly couldn't blog here le... Coz that day... i was a few cm from being dead or paralysis... Coz i was running to the MRT station where i did not know of a slippery spot... Then i slide and fell... With my head few cm away from a metal bar... Can say is both unlucky and lucky ba...

Hahaz... Going to meet sebas now... Then go see bing da and auntie xiao lan... Then meet jim... Hahaz... Then tmr will meet the baleno gal... To treat her for her help... hahaz... Sayoz...

2006-12-16T00:33:00.000+08:00

Old songs seems so nice...

Why i will like this say??? Coz i suddenly felt that my life at present is getting worse... Not like the carefree life which i like most... Maybe u will say i got nothing to do now mah... Then i muz be very carefree mah??? And why am i contradicting myself... The reason is that... Now my life is avery boring life... Although i can do wat i wan... But there's no one the accompany me... Am i longing for a girlfriend??? No but maybe a yes... My mind is full of her now... Can't forget the times we had together... Today at the pasir ris park... I thought of the bbq at punggol end... The one which i was pushed into the sea... even though i dunno how to swim... The trip which i can't forget whenever i go there...

Today talk to xiu min and jin lng... I found out... Many pple had changed... Since sec sch... Buddies now feel like strangers... If anything if u wan me to kill myself for... That is to take away all of my friends... I recently lost a very good friend (the person not dead, is i did smth wrong that disappointed the person) I always keep up a simling face to show that i'm okay... I'm not... U think losing a good friend can so easy get over mah??? I still think of the good friend some time...

Talking about losing friends... I think i really lost some of my best buddies since Punggol Pri sch... In Nan Chiau... Some of my good buddies also very long nv contact le... To think the times that we shared together... All are lost because we didn't go into the same school??? I hate the system in singapore... Wat streaming... Wat poly JC and ITE... Why muz we have so many things... U may think i sound crazy... But i really hate this system... I would rather pple going to a place where they can finish their 10 years of education...

From punggol pri sch... Lost contacts of some of my best buddies... And my god sisters... In Nan Chiau... I didn't lose any buddies... But i sure lost some god sisters... In innova... I lost someone who is very important in my life... Someone who i shouln't like in the first place...

Looking at all my friends... They are all going i their own direction... I had no direction... i had no one to take me together... I really hate life now... I really hate it!!!

Now i found a direction of my own... I decided to push forward even though i have no one with me... I'm sure i will meet someone who can accompany me...

Hahaz... I may sound foolish... But never mind about that... Last but not least... I really wish i can be together with the very special gal who indirectly thought how to like a person and love a person...

Very mushy ba??? Hahaz... I gtg le... nitez...

2006-12-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

Back from prom....

Hahaz... U muz be wondering y i so fast at home ba??? Hahaz... Coz i did not haf any post prom activities lor... Then straight away come home... Hahaz... Think the whole prom was boring ba... Not my frenz lah... Is the whole activities was boring lor... Hahaz... Now then i know i got very few frenz at Innova sia... Hahaz... But nvm lah... Now already out liao... Hope i will haf a better life in NS and Uni (hopefully i can get in) Hahaz...

Didn't see B xiao jie today... Think she nv come ba... Haiz... Too bad... Forget it lah... Hope to see her on the streets or smth ba... Then the very person who i want to see de... Think will not meet each other de... Coz different sch mah... But prom on the same day... Also nv see her... Think she go out with her frenz ba... Hehez... Hope she enjoy lor...

Hahaz...i go play Need for Speed liao le... Sayoz...

2006-11-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

1 month has passed since i last blogged

A lot of things happened in this very one month... Thinking back... A levels have passed... 2 nite skate also have pass... And i'm waiting for prom nite... Wei long is having his prom at this very moment... Hahaz...

Things really have changed within this very short period of time... I found out i really got 2 personalitiy within myself... 2 very opposite one... Something which i didn't know i had... Hahaz...

Another phase of my life juz started... A changed me... After that talk with sebas jin long n wei long... I found out i had kinda lots of bad points... But i think the most impt of them... Is my confidence... Hahaz... A long term illness... Still not cured yet... Will be trying more powerful medicine... Hehez...

Things which had passed i will try to let go... Hahaz... There will always be someone who i never forget de... Hahaz... The special person who give me the very special feeling... Hahaz... Hope can see her soon... Lolx...

I think all who see my blog everytime should know liao lah... Dun put any clue liao le... If u still dunno then ask me... Hahaz...

Haiz... Going NS liao le... Hope won't kena any very tough things there... I hope to get into the Amour division... Hehez... Then can drive tank... If i'm lucky... Wish me luck...

Go le... Sayoz...

2006-10-29T02:34:00.000+08:00

It's has been quite some time shince i last blog...

I always tend to assume things and wished that things had happen... But most of the things i really wan doesn't happen to me... I always thought we were quite good friends... And i thought after that day wat happen... U will be sad at least... But in the end... It did not happen... Ironically... I want u to continue with life... But i also wan u to remember me... Lolx... Lame me...

These few days... Keep thinking of this person... Another person from the above one... Dunno y leh... That time talk to nicholas abt this very special person... Plus my life's biggest regret... A advice which cause my best fren's happiness... I'm so sorrie to this best friend... The very special person have come up in my blog in kinda lots of post... Maybe u all can go find lor... Hahaz... I think life will be so much better with this very special person... If there's a time machine... I really hope i can return to sec 1 's first day of school... The very look of this person attracted me to look at this person... The very special moment that i will never forget... Another will be at the void deck at this special person's block... That time... Me and my best friend were waiting for 2 pple at this person's house... Then after that the four of us went to school together...

Hahaz... Everything different now... The both of us dun talk anymore... Not a single conservation le... A regret that will follow me the whole of my life... Although pple say muz know how to let go... But it's too difficult to let go...

Pple normally see my blog sure will say i'm a negative person... Hahaz... Yes i am a very negative person... It can't be changed...

To all those reading this blog post... Dun worry abt me... I'm okay de... Hahaz... With that... Sayoz... And nites....

2006-10-20T10:15:00.000+08:00

Here to blog again...

These few days had been kinda struggle for me... Thought everything's over liao and i can finally study... But no!!! I kept thinking of the past... Things that happen last time... The good times then funny times... And also the sad times... Issit a sign that i maybe leaving the world soon??? Oh my god... No!!! I still haben go through NS still haben got a wife and also haben become a better skater... Life cannot end like this for me...

Having quite a hard time going into sleep these few days also... Kept thinking about her... Dunno why... It comes naturally... Hope i can juz forget about her and get on with my life... Forget about her does not mean i dun wan be frenz with her le... Is juz the feeling of liking her that muz be forgotten... Looked at ur blog and u looked so stressed... Sorrie to add on to ur whole chunk of troubles... Maybe i think too much le ba... Maybe u dun even think abt me de...Hmm... If u need someone to talk to... Can find me if u wan ba... Hehez...

Later going to school for chem consultation with yun zhen and nicholas... I did not prepare leh... Only those i hand in to mdm lee de assignments only... Hahaz... Dunno wat to ask also... Lolx

My last words for her today...
Now everything is over liao le... No point crying over spilled milk... Carry on with life happily... Okay??? I may sound xin zai le huo... But this is the truth... Good luck for ur PW and mother tounge wor... Hehez... Cheer up arh...

2006-10-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

Finally know wat i wan to blog...

Yesterday wanted to blog de... But i dunno wat to blog... Hahaz... Today i know... Ever since that day's incident... I thought i'm gonna be very sad... But after a few days of being moody... I finally know wat's important in my life... Maybe she's not the girl that yue lao want me to be with... Hahaz... So i'm clear about wat i wan in my life... For now... It's study, skate and make money... Relationship this thing i think i put it on hold first ba... Hahaz... I'm jealous about my frenz around me having partners liao le... I'm really jealous... But i feel happy for them also... Hahaz...

For me now...
3 important things...
*Study for my A levels...
*Work harder to be a better skater... (hopefully can learn inline hockey)
*Earn lots of money.... (Christmas presents for pple impt to me, my birthday chalet (if got) and my skates)

If u are looking at my blog...(which i dun think so)
Thanks a lot for all the things u do... I say before liao... but say again lor... Coz i really thank u... And this time i wan to thank u for another thing... That is being with u... Has taught me a lot of things... Directly or indirectly... So i wish u all the best in your life... Btw sorrie for wat happen today... Coz i dao u mah... Pai sei... My trademark from nan chiau... Hahaz...

Arh... Life is in a mess for me now... Muz clear the mess le... Need to hire cleaner... Hahaz... Cold joke... A good sign although... It means that i'm okay le... Hahaz... To those who care for me... No need to worry about me le... Life's got to go on rite??? Hahaz...

Think i today crap too much le ba... Btw i finally cut my hair... So short sia... From super long to super short... Still cannot get used to it... Hahaz... Tmr got mock gp exams... Think i go study a while then sleep liao... Sayo guys and gals...

2006-10-13T14:33:00.000+08:00

End of another chapter of my life...

Today is the last day of proper school in Innova... The school where there's a lot things to remember... When i first went to the school... I thought it's a very boring life there... But until today i felt that there are still things for me to remember at Innova...

Went to school at the usual time... Then ask aaron to help me pass thing to Tammie... Brought her a bracelet and 2 maple cards... Plus a additional letter from me... Hmm... Think u all want to know wat i wrote inside ba... Too bad... Cannot say lor... It's between me and her de...

Kinda sad today... Coz last day i will ever accompany her to school and last day i will ever meet my J1 frenz... Hmm... Also quite happy because is the last day le lor... The school surprise us with our school song... Finally got liao... But we will never have the chance to sing it... The song is very very nice and kinda pop de... Hahaz...

I will sure miss the frenz there and sure miss the teachers who taught me... Sure miss the times we were together... ODAC, OAC camps, Overseas trip and the fun of being together... To my frenz there... I sure miss u all... Byez....

Kinda sad these few days... I have to say sorrie to a lot of people... Sebas yi zhen and many more... For forgeting their birthdays... I'm really sorrie.... I also need to thank the few pple who help me through the last week of school... Jonathan wei long aaron shawn zi qing nicholas and last but not least liang yu... (Pai sei liang yu... For disturbing u until so late yesterday nite...)

I dun know when i can recover from the serious emotional fall... But i wan to say that i will sure study hard for my a levels... Thanks guys and gals for being in the chapters of my life... You all will always be the main characters in the story of my life...

2006-09-27T00:17:00.000+08:00

Near 24 hours after i last blog liao wor...

Hahaz... Today was such a better day... Y i say so leh??? First day after i decide to become good frenz with her... Felt so much relax and calm... No need for more and special attention... No more worrying for her... And no more unhappy thoughts... Today also kinda happy... Coz of my chem... I didn't expect myself to get ard 40 for this prelim... Expect a 30 plus one... So i was kinda happy... Then physics... Kinda disappointing... in the end got 42.6... Thought this time i can finally get a quality pass for physics... But did not... Know my mistakes le... Will be working on it... Hope my a levels won't disappoint all my teachers... All of them are very good teachers...

My strategy now...
No more skating until after a level...
Study study study...
Do papers...
Motivate myself...

Hahaz... Hope this will work lor... Now chiong arh!!!

2006-09-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

Yooooohoooo.....

Back to blog again... Hahaz... muz be thinking i'm crazy liao le... Hahaz... Maybe ba... After the decision i made this afternoon... I felt so much relaxed le... Care so much lesser... Hahaz... All thanks to liang yu's advices... Hehez... Sure is my very very good fren... Hahaz...

Then juz now watching "marry me" on cable tv... I'm so jealous lor... Bian dang and xiao qing can be so close and romantic to each other lor... Y ca i be like them...I'm so jealous!!! Hahaz...the stories revolve around pple in a place where they call it the "escape capsule"... (jiu shen chang)Thinking about this... Remember me wei long and jun yong once thought of... About the same idea... But is for people with relatioship problems... Then they come and we three advise them on wat to do... Hahaz... A dream which nearly came true... Lolx... Hope one day we three can set up this "company" to help pple in trouble... Hahaz...

Hmm... A lot of things in my mind now... I'm scared for my a levels... But no motivation sia... I wasted the whole day... Nv study anything lor... Although i take my physics book around the house... But nv study anything lor...

Current results....

Gp paper 1: 22/50
Gp paper 2: 18.5/50
Overall Gp : 40.5/100

Physics paper 1: 19/30
Physics paper 3: 51/110

Current situation for my prelims... Oh man... Gp fail... Was feeling kinda sad lor... But expected it... Hope my maths paper score better lor... Chem is confirm gone le... So i dun hold much hopes... Hahaz... Think i go sleep liao... Tmr's gonna be a long day...

2006-09-25T16:51:00.000+08:00

15 hours later...

Lolx... i'm back to blog again le... Hahaz... Will be a very short blog... Coz meeting wei long in a while... Hahaz... After much thoughts... I finally decide to follow liangyu's advice... Hahaz... That is not to do anything about it... Coz i believe the outcome will be negative if i were to follow wat wei long says and then we cannot be frenz again... And also i think women's instinct is better to be followed... They always say... A women's instinct is kinda accurate de... Hahaz... Pai sei wei long... Hahaz... Hmm.. Gtg meet wei long le... Sayoz...

2006-09-25T00:23:00.000+08:00

Long time no blog le....

Hey guys... Kinda long nv come blog liao le... Hahaz... How are u guys??? Tmr's monday le... Or should i say today... Gonna get back the results for prelims le... Dun think will do well for any of the subjects... Plus tmr is the start of the normal timetable liao... Boring!!! Now muz start studying liao le... Hmm... Although i had rest for the past 5 days... But only wed sat and sunday got go out... The rest of the days i stay at home... Bored sia... Then that day... I called liangyu... Hahaz...Super long nv chat on the phone with her le... Last time was like last year sia... Feeling kinda lost... So decide to call my good fren for advices... Hahaz...

As always... Call her is about relationship de problems lor... Hahaz... Then she told me lots of things to cheer me up... And she also told me that maybe is i think too much le... So call me dun think too much... And also call me to study for my A's... She say no point ruin my own future for someone who i dunno whether she likes me or not... Hahaz...Then wei long told me another point of view... He say i should juz ask lor... If really the girl dun like me... Then i will be sad and go on with life and can study better mah... Hahaz... Dunno leh... Wat to do??? Think see wat happens these few days lor... If i think is the right time to do either of their ideas... Then i do lor... Hahaz... Maybe that's a better way ba...

Today i saw on tv the memorial service done at australia zoo... For steve irwin... Oh my god... Although i saw only the last few minutes of the show... I nearly cried... I also dunno why... But i myself dun really see his show de... But after his death... I started watching... Becoz i always thought he was juz another actor for a animal show... But not... He is a crocodile fanatic... He loves the crocs... And wat i later see... Is his delication to wildlife preservation... I truly treat him as an idol... That's why when i see his right hand man too all steve's tools and put them on the truck that steve always drive... And drove out of the spectator stands... I nearly cried... I also dunno why... But the world has lost a great man... Dun think my life would be as meaningful as his...

2006-09-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

Confused...

Hmm... i had always wondered do i really like this girl or issit influence cause me to so call to "like" her??? I really dunno wat i'm thinking right now... I dunno whether i really liked this girl or not... Cause i think she's avoiding me lately... Maybe she know i like her then she avoid me lor... Haiz... But i used to it liao... Maybe i should forget it ba... I can say... With this girl... I had some of the happiest time and maybe the closest girl friend i ever had... But sometimes observations are obvious enough... No need to confirm it... Maybe i'm juz not the guy she's looking for ba...

See the title... Confused??? Y am i confused??? Whenever i hear wu ding this song... I remember the most very embarassing thing of my whole life lor... Hahaz... Crap... It was a 2F gathering... Then playing truth or dare... Then she kena le then i kena... When she kena then they also dunno wat dare to give her... Then later i kena... Lolx... Then they actually wan me to ask her something which i dun dare to ask her lor... Hahaz... Hmm... Then later in the end... Muz sing wu ding this song... Lucky only 1 or 2 lines only... Lolx... but everyone had lots of fun there lor... I won't forget that day de... Plus when skating... I also thought of that time one of the thing i really regret not doing de... At ecp... Hmm... Think only me her and pei en know abt wat happen ba... I'm sorrie that i nv pull u up... I was scared that u will feel weird... So i did not pull u up...

This two things sometimes makes me wonder... Which girl i really like... U all can say i fickled minded... (like wat mandy say me last time) But i really dunno wat i doing lor... Whenever i feel so depressed... I would think that i should juz forget this 2 girls and juz let fate decide my future... But it's hard to do it... Haiz...

Maybe u are looking at this right now... I juz wan to say... Even u dun like me... Juz tell me can??? I dun wan live life in darkness.... Maybe will sad a few says... But i can handle it de...

To my bros... Hahaz... Pai sei... Always tell u all about this kind of boring things... Hahaz...
To my mei's... Though i kinda long nv talk to u all... But i talk to u all sure will say these things...
Sorry arh...
To my frens... Sometimes i think i really bore u all with this kinds of things... But thanks for
being around...

2006-09-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

Finally cancome blog le...

Hmm... For those who dunno... These few days i'm staying at my grandma house to look after my grandparents... My aunt went overseas with my parents... Hmm... That's y i very long nv come blog and tag lor... Updates...Dreamt of kinda lots of things these few days...

First dream...
Dreamt of wei long jin long and hou ying... Lolx... If i dream of wei long and jin long i think is okay lah... Coz is like meet them often mah... But hou ying??? After that day at jx de birthday i nv see her le lor... Hmm... Then also i meet her le also nv talk to her... Haiz... Y will i dream of her??? I wonder why...

Next dream...
Dream of some gal lor... Can't remember who is it le... Hahaz... On one double decker bus de... Then got another guy also... also dunno who lai de... hahaz.... Forgot the details lor...

Last time i at home also nv dream so much lor... Weird sia... Maybe my grandma house got the fengshui to dream ba... Hahaz... Hope will have some more nice dreams lor... hahaz... Coz i staying at my grandma house until this sunday... Hahaz... So think muz wait for sometime before i blog again lor... Hahaz...

Actually kinda lots of things i wanna bog... But i dunno how to put it into words... I can only say out... Too bad my house no mic... Cannot say it out... Hahaz... But even if i got i dun think i will use it to podcast... Hahaz... Is like talking ur xin shi to the screen.... Eh... Wat the hell... Hahaz... Hope can call my female good friend sometime soon...

End here le... Think going to jog with wei long jin long and qimin... hahaz... bye bye pple... Cya sometime soon...

2006-08-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

Study Saturday.... Muhahahahaz...

Hmm... Today woke up at 9... Becoz wei long say wan go study mah... Then woke up early... Then wei long woke up late... Partially my fault lah... Nv call him when i wake up... Then when i board the bus... I saw aaron... Hmm... He meeting fren... Also go airport there study... Hahaz... so qiao...

Went to airport de staff canteen... Then study lor.. Ate ban mian today... And also drank 2 grass jelly plus soya bean mean milk... Super nice lor... Hmm... Then continue to sudy lor... Then jin long ans qi min came... Hahaz... Add some entertainment to our studying... Played dai ti... And also some pair game... Hmm... Wei long today so lucky lor... Won so many rounds sia...

Hmm... Then went to the viewing mall there lor... I see the planes there... I see that it is equal to our life... Planes comes into airport and leave... Like pple coming into our life and leave.... And also there are those who juz never leave... To those who didn't leave my life... I'm glad that i have u as a fren... However to those who left my life le... Nvm de... I know u all got ur things to do... All the best in ur lives... I also thought of this very impt person of my life... Dunno wat happen recently... Maybe this person juz left my airport... Maybe will make detour and come back or maybe juz left for good...

My dream is to own a big transport company... A air, land and maritime transport mega company... Something like richard branson... Virgin's founder... Hmm... Dunno will happen or not... Dun think will happen ba... I also not that rich... Hahaz...

Hahaz... Dunno y i say until my dream... But hope all my friends de dreams all come true... Hahaz... Nitez...

2006-08-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

Today can say is a exciting day for me...

Woke up at the usual time... Then went to CP to top up my ez link card... Then came back to the bus stop there to wait for 161... Hmm... Then bus came... Then i saw someone familiar... I saw tammie... Lolx... so early leh... She wake up leh... OMG... Then she say she go meet friend... Then i went for my GP remedial lor... Was late for 10 min sia... Hehez...

Then first maths tutorial... I was okay... Then got break... Then somethin bad happen... ******** got smacked in the face with a plate of spaghetti... OMG... I was shocked by wat happen... Darn... The guy who i deem as got some mental case de did it... Then ******** went to toilet to clean up... Then got to know the whole truth abt the whole issue... Is this girl who the guy likes... Then the girl dun like him... Then call ******** to act couple... Then kena this lor... Feels that the guy is super childish lor... Then during the maths lecture... Went to discuss with other frens wat we should do with that guy... My fren gave this idea of calling ODAC guys to each buy one plate and smack him back... Muhahahaz... Spaghetti hairstyle... Cool sia... Hmm... Then ******** says he tell VP le... Then dun care... If he does it again then we do smth lor...

Then went to GP tutorial and then after sch got physics paper 3 lor... Then i do le... I think i really very lousy in physics lor... Siao liao lah... Muz study le... Cannot gu fu miss yap, mdm lee, mr phang and miss charles...

Then watching the 7 o'clock show on channel 8... Hai de er zi... Then saw these 2 quotes very useful... "Love is something that u dun reap wat u sowed..." And the second phrase suits me perfectly... " My love for u is one way traffic... Not a 2 way traffic... Hahaz... Think many face this problem i'm facing now... But dun care... Life's only a few decades... So live life to he fullest... Be happy in wat u are doing can le.. Agree???

Hmm... Then msn talk to liang yu... Hahaz... Kinda long nv talk to her... Plus i promise i will call her... But nv... Hahaz... Sorrie liang yu... Kinda busy... Then talk abt wat happen to me recently... Hmm... Liangyu... No need say sorrie to me lah... I'm glad that u would listen to me... Hahaz... Then i should say sorrie to u... Always talk to u is abt me de... Sorrie arh... Plus i muz haf dampen ur feelings today ba... Ps arh...

Think stop here ba... Go play need for speed le... Byez....

2006-08-25T00:01:00.000+08:00

Still got a few minutes before Jia xin's birthday is over... Hahaz... Hmm... Today got quite a lot of things happen... Firstly... i cannot find my sch badge... Got so fret up sia... Lolx... then go bus stop... Wait for tammie and aaron lor... Then aaron miss call me before tammie came... Hmm... then how??? I decided to wait for tammie... Juz when i sms aaron that i not taking the bus... Tammie de sms come... Then phone hang... ArgH!!! Took some time to get the phone back on... By that time tammie abt to reach le... When she reach... The bus juz nice come... Nv come to sch with her for quite some time liao... Then talk lor... Hmm... Darn... Got traffic jam on expressway... Sianz sia... Then alight the bus... Muz run to sch... Then scolded by Mr james wong... A teacher who i hate most...

In school...
First lesson... I pon chem lecture... Coz today my class only a few guys... Then only 4 guys went for the lecture... I sianz... then also nv go... Went to library to do physics... Then the lesson went on lor... Bored... Then after sch still got maths remedial... Was late for PE today... Last PE in IJC... Hmm... I still nv pass the nafa... But maybe is also good for me lor... I didn't really train for it... Think will train after a's lor... After PE... Went to bath then go for jx de party... Lolx... We one group of guys went late... Hahaz... Then had lots of fun... The funniest part is in the toilet... Can't believe we play in the toilet... Hahaz... Then... Left hazel mom de cafe lor... Went to CP for a drink... then came home...

Feelings for the day...
Generally fun sia... But somethings make me very pek chek... Like this fren who keeps meddling with my own personal problems... Hey... I know wat i should do... So dun keep asking can??? Then also i see her today... Didn't even say hi to each other... Feeling kinda sad sia... But today jx de b'day... So i dun wan to show sad sad de face... Hahaz... Didn't have the courage to talk to u... Haiz...

2006-08-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

Boring day sia...

Today stayed at home the whole day... Except going to my grandma house to eat something... Hmm... Didn't feel like doing any homework today sia... Expected of me... Told myself to start workat 12... But in the end drag until around 10 at nite then start... Hmm... But in between... i packed my room... Washed my bag... Took my skates out to air it... Hmm... Not a lot of things done today...

After that yesterday different pple told me different ways of doing things... I now wonder... Wat should i choose... Izzit the way where i should juz give up becoz is not worth it... Or izzit i should i juz go with wat's happening now... Hmm... Wonder wat to do sia... Luan arh!!!

Memories came back... Heard of some past songs... Like N'sync de "it's gonna be me" and a jap song "All my true love"... Thought of the days in sec 2... Becoz of this special person... Although i no longer feel the very special feling towards u le... But i hope u are far better off than i am... I dunno is i hear wrongly or wat... Heard u got a guy u like in sch izzit??? Hmm... Hope the guy also like u leh... Then u two can be together... Then i also happy lor... Hahaz... Dunno leh... Juz wan to talk to u leh... Nv talk to u since after the last time i go ur workplace find u le... Then that day at sebas house... I talk to almost all of the 2F girls... Except u... Hmm... Maybe u still feel weird to talk to me ba... Lolx... Juz nice when typing until this part... Then the music player play "why do i love you?"... (the song which i really like at that time...)Hmm... Fated ba... Make me sad...

Always wondered why i like u so much in the past... Although i nv really show it out... I dared to say... U are the girl that i like the most last time... ( NC pple should know who ba) Can also say like the longest de ba... More than 4 long years... The funniest thing is that even u reject me liao... I still like u... Lolx... Reading back at the letter i wrote to u on valentine's day when we were sec 3... I wanna laugh lor... Didn't know i can write like this sia... Kinda childish in my letter lor... Hahaz...

Now things are over le... Feelings faded... And I wan to tell you that i wish that we can be the good frenz that we used to...

Hmm... I got one last question that i really wanted to know the answer... The answer jia xin mandy and pei en all tell me they dunno de... Is that... U got like me before??? Yes or no... I juz wan to know...

Nites all... Hope u all are not like me... Missed the opportunity... Hope all of you can treasure all the pple around u... And if u like someone... Go for it... Dun be like me... Po po ma ma then in the end... Missed the chance....

2006-08-20T02:38:00.000+08:00

Skate Day!!!

Finally can skate liao... Today woke up at 7 to wake wei long up... Then later went back to sleep le... Hmm... Then wei long call me at 10... Ask me wan go for breakast or not... But i got breakfast at home liao le... Then nv go out... Then watch tv until 2 then start to prepare all the skating things... Hmm... Then went to CP to meet the rest of pple... Jy and jL they came at the right time lor... Took the parkway parade bus to parkway parade... Cool sia... 25 min... Not like 43... 1 hr leh... Lolx...

Reach le then we go IC there de chicken rice store there then jim sam jin long and jun yong eat... Me and wei long nv eat... After eating then go IC collect wei long de pay... After that... Is ECP le... Hahaz... Today had quite a lot of fun... skating until the training ground... Then caroline fell... Then she was bleeding profusely... OMG... Lucky got ming sheng and sam... They red cross de... Confirm can help de...

Oh ya... Still haben say... Before go the training ground... We are at the ring there... Then got this guy... Wear V3 de... Keep sliding in ront of us lor... Kaoz... He also not so pro... Keep doing slides in front of us... I got fret up lor... Then try to do smth... But of cause i cannot lah... Coz i got no perfect slides to own the person... I tio own!!!

Hmm... continue... Then after training grounds... I left ECP le... then got take 10 to harbourfront... Then change 963 to Miss Lee house lor... Hahaz... Actually the journey is very fast de... is the waiting time lor... Then while waiting see one very chio de gal... But dun care lah... I got pple who i like liao... Then reach there about 20 min then the whole group leave liao... We got bukit timah there to eat prata... Nice sia... Hahaz...

Then when going back home that time... Me and Aaron cannot find the 156 bus stop... Argh... Then take 74 to hougang then walk back home lor... Then while walking... I asked aaron abt wat i should do for my problem lor... Hahaz... He say this kind of things kao ownselves to solve de... Cannot other pple say de...

After reach somewhere near aaron hse... We walk separate roads back... Then i saw one 43 coming... Then this thought came to my mind... Jin long and Jun yong they all on the bus mah??? Lolx... Then look look then see someone like jin long and jun yong... Lolx... Then these 2 pple on the bus wave at me... Hahaz... Then i suppose is jin long and jun yong ba... Hahaz...

Wah!!! Body aching sia...Lolx... After the whole day outside... Think i should settle down and study liao... Coz i wan to get better a level result de... Hahaz... Hmm... Think i go sleep liao le... Maybe tmr will or maybe not blog ba... Nites all....

2006-08-19T01:16:00.000+08:00

Heys pple... Tired of looking at credits le???

Hahaz... After the few days of credits... Think i will not write credits for this post ba... Hmm... After yesterday something happne which i then agree that i'm still the same old jason of the past... Hmm... A guy who worries this and worries that... Think of things with so many possible outcomes... Most of them bad.... Hahaz... Is this good news or bad??? I dunno...

Hmm... To my bros... All the past worries i type in the past few post... Are considered all gone ba... Coz i think too much le ba... Hahaz...

Yeah!!! I finally go cut my hair liao... Kinda happy sia... Coz i feel more cooling liao... And also my hair can stand back le... Muhahahaha... Then met up with jim sam and wei long at KFC there to eat lor... Used quite a lot of money today... Muz save them back sia... Lolx...

Tmr skating sia... Cool... I'm loving it... Hope tmr is super duper fun... Coz like kinda a lot pple skating tmr... Plus tmr got miss lee and J1 organise de farewell party for ODAC pple... Hehez... Tmr will be very very packed sia... Nite nite all...

2006-08-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

Credits for all my gan mei's and 2 pple which i forgot to mention in the previous blog(qi min and tong ming)

Brothers(cont'd)

Tong ming...
Lolx... A freaking lame person... Looked at his sec 1 pic... so funny sia... lolx... But he changed a lot liao le... Now is da shuai ge sia... Hmm... he is someone i play with... Do lame things and talk lame things with... Didn't really talk about our own problems... But nvm lah... We are very good frens aren't we??? hehez...Tm... U looked stressed up... U wan u can always find me de... lolx...

Qi min...
Hahaz... another lame person here... Last time sec very close to him de... Go his house play but then sec 3 and sec 4 then nv really talk to him... But now we are very good frens le rite??? hehez... he knows my problems now... qi min... Hope u study hard for ur exams hor... Dun repeat any module arh... hahaz..

Gan Mei's

Mandy...
Hahaz... mandy got her own credits liao le... So no need type le ba... Juz wanna wish my pretty gan mei all the best in everything she do... Hehez...

Pei En...
Hahaz... Got to talk to her when i shift seats with (i also forgot liao lah...) then sit beside mandy then beside mandy is pei en... Argh... She's a super good gan mei... Always there when i need her... But no she kinda busy lah... Can't talk to her much... Hehez... Arh... Pei en... Kor need u now... Feeling very sad now... Hahaz...

Jia xin(a.k.a xin xin)
Hehez... She arh... a bit super over active at times ba... Hahaz... remember that time i cried in class when i broke up with *******(u guys should know lah) She tried conforting me... But i still crying... Hahaz... Hmm... this gal gave me lots and lots of encouragement to continue my life... Thanks to my xin xin mei mei... Mei... Kor feeling sad... Want to cry le... Lolx...

Cheryl...
This is one of another super gan mei... Hahaz... The gan mei who i also feel very bad towards... I noe kor always tell u sian sian sian... Then that day u got so fret up... U are right... I cannot always say i'm sian... If not i will really be sian... Hmm... Cheryl arh... Thanks for all the advices u give me last time... Hope we can be like last time like this... Can talk like last time... Hehez...

Xiu min...
Hehez... This gal arh... Very blur de leh... Then also tell her things she also can forgot de... But she's a super nice gal... Hahaz... Glad to have her as my gan mei... She has help me a lot... Especially in helping me choose present... She got very good taste sia... Hahaz... Thanks xiu min for everything... Hehez...

Priscilla...
very funny sia... i didn't get to talk to her much in sec 1 and 2...But then became very good bro and sis wor... Hahaz... bro and sis sure got conflicts mah... But the conflict is long over le... Hahaz... Wei... I very long nv talk to u liao leh... How are u... Hehez...

Cherie...
Hey cherie... How are u??? hmm... Very long nv talk to u liao... Remember wat i tell u last time... Time sure will heal some wounds... But everyhting is over liao le... Hope ya can be very happy arh... hehez... Really thank u for the things u do for ur this very stupid kor... Hahaz...

Katie...
Hey tall mei mei... How are u arh??? Really hope u are better than ur this kor wor... Hahaz... I know her when i was in charge of her class for their orientation in NC... Hmm... Have been good bro and sis since then... Hahaz... Looked at my phone juz now... Saw that u send me a lot of good nite msg... Really appreciate my this gan mei... Hehez...

Joanne...
Hey my bros... Nv expect i noe another mei from nan chiau ba... Hmm... got to know her over the friendster ba... Then we two talk and talk and then become kor and mei le... Hahaz... She hor also got tell me her problems and i also got tell her... Hmm... Dunno how's she le... Super long nv talk to her liao...

Isabel...
Another mei i noe from friendster de... A gal who i only saw once at orchard... Hmm... Weird sia... That time i saw her... Hahaz... Hmm... She arh... A very funny gal sia... Juz got to know her only then she call me to call her le... Hahaz... Then talk to her on the phone lor... Then we started sms-ing each other le... But now i think she's attached liao... Then nv care abt me le... Hahaz... Hope u are doing fine... hehez

Wah... I got so many gan mei's arh... 10 sia... But actually got more... But then they dun really care abt me de... Hahaz...

Some gals who made my life better... ( not my gan mei's)

Liang yu..
Last time talk abt her le... My super good friend... Someone who understands me...
But hope she can find her bai ma wang zi... Lolx...

Jia qun...
Hey gal... It's me writting abt u leh... Hmm... Go to know her in sec 3... She's a very good fren to me... Talk me out of my miserable state... Hmm... Gave me advices like all my other gan mei's... Hahaz... Hmm... Jia qun... hope ya can find happiness always... Hehez...

Hou ying...
She a person i won't forget... ( Hahaz... NC pple should understand) Hmm... She did not do a lot of things for me... But she indirectly taught me how life is suppose to be... I got a lot of regrets in my life... Some of them concerns u... We like very long nv talk le... Hope we can talk again...

Tammie...
Hahaz... I dun know whether u got look at my blog or not... I know many things i said are very unrelevant to u... i only wan to say wat i wan to say out... I dunno wat's wrong between the both of us now...But i believe u know something which i actually wan to tell u de... If it is because of this issue... I apologised that i hide from u... Because i know if i say it out... The outcome will be "we will not be frenz again " But nvm lah... hope u will get over with ur friendship issues and study hard for ur promos... Dunno whether we will talk again... But thanks for being there when i need u the most... THANKS!!!

Kai Li...
Finally someone who has no link with NC de... She's a gal who is kinda very enthu in everything de... Hehez... Hmm... Got to know her better afer the qing gong yan of the J1 camp this year... Hahaz... Then also at the national day steamboat outing... Hahaz... Talk to her abt my things... Hahaz... Like my gan mei's she gave me advices lor... Hahaz... Very valuable one sia... The only J2 Innovian gal who can gib me advices de... Hahaz...

Super long post sia today... Hmm.. didn't know i got so many to thank... Think more will come... So much memories came back when i was typing this blog post... Hmm... Will try to remember then as much as i can... Hahaz... Hmm... Talk abt today... Look at my phone de Benko... Hahaz... I sure will smile de... But i know that my heart is broken... I tried to be seen as happy... But if i had failed.. Dun blame me... I'm not an actor Remember?... Lolx... Things happen too quickly... I should juz forgot this dream of mine... *B xiao jie*... Hope to see u more in sch... Lolx... U are the very special person who can make me smile de...

*History of B Xiao jie
I dun like her now le...(in case some of u think that i flirt...Hahaz...) She's someone i like LAST year... The gal who i like and had never make me sad(becoz i didn't get to know her)... So she will always be in my mind as a very special gal nicknamed as B xiao jie...

Should drop this stupid dream of mine and face the reality...

2006-08-15T00:53:00.000+08:00

The special CREDITS blog

Brothers
the special group of GUYS to whom are important to me in my life...

Wei long
A friend i know for a very long time... Someone who can tell me the right things and the wrong things... Someone who is also experienced enough to teach me life skills... Things which i cannot learn from my parents... To wei long... I really appreciate wat things u had done for me... But ps... I dun think i had done anything very beneficial to help u through ur current situaion... Hope u can stay happy...

Jim...
A councillor in NC... My first duty as a councillor... I was paired up with him... He got some rumors with my class de charissa... Coz they cousins mah... then blah blah... Hmmm... A person who i can talk to when i feel sad... I'm sorrie abt the recent misunderstanding... I'm the main cause... However... That's all over le... Hope u can find ur dream girl soon and dreams come true for u...

Jun yong...
A very cheerful person... Someone who i can play with... Hahaz... However he's also a very good listener... I recently talk to him when we 2 go cp eat...Talk abt quite a lot of things... Hmm... Jy... I know u are feeling quite stressed ba... Anything u can come talk to me de... Hahaz... Stay cheerful and dun disguise ur unhappiness...

Jin long...
A very arty person... Hahaz... Help me is some art work before... Thanks jin long...I got to know him better after we started skating... (i dun mean we not very shou b4 skating)... Recent events... I know u are caught in the middle... I'm sorrie jin long... I didn't help much... And might caused more problems for u to clean up... Sorry... but now the whole thing is over... but hmk steps in... Hope u can jia you for all that u like to do...

Sebas...
Musicial talented... Super talented... Band leader of ozone... Made me a manager... (thanks sebas)... He has help me a lot in my life... Without him... I might have gone crazy le... I share my problems with him... He also shares with me... He's avery good advisor a good motivator and a good leader... Sebas... know that ur life is kinda mixed up and complicated now... Hope u can be freed from all this and be the carefree sebas i know...

Kevin...
A lamer... Lolx... With his inventions... He is one lame but super clever scientist... I didn't talk to him abt my problems much... But he's sure a fren i can't do without with... Kevin!!! Jia you for ur prelims... Hope we can go same uni together... Then blow up the whole uni... Lolx...

Aaron
He may sound cool at times... but he has help me a lot in my days at IJC... Conflicts... misunderstandings... within the group... I can talk to him... My relationship problems also can talk to him... But he's busy with studies now... Better not disturb him... Aaron... Thanks for all u have done for me... Thanks a lot...

This is not my last words to them... I juz wan to type it out in case i next time kena memory loss... I still can see this... Gan mei's credits... would be written next time... Lolx...

That's all folks...

2006-08-15T00:17:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be a very long blog...

First things first... I am very SORRY to tammie and aaron...

Tammie
I know u today got tuition and u wan to get back home asap... I call u to miss that 161 becoz i say i cannot pang sei aaron... I knew u are angry with wat i ask u to do... I'm sorry...

Aaron
I need to say very very very sorry to u sia... I gave u a very tu lan face juz now in the bus... When me and tammie walk to the interchange... I didn't see u... Thought u go le... Then I was very angry with myself becoz i ask tammie to miss the bus but thought u go le... Then i feel bad towards tammie... Sorry aaron...

Next... After alighting at CP de bus stop... Said bye to tammie and aaron... I walked back to my grandma hse alone... Was thinking of lots of things on the way back...

I thought...
I think i'm a lousy fren to most of u frens and brothers... I can ps my good frenz becoz of some other pple... I'm not a good advisor at all... Maybe even not a good listener... I'm guilty of causing things to happen... I'm guilty of misunderstandings caused... I'm at fault in all cases...

Y i thought of this??? The interchange incident which happen earlier... Makes me wonder... Y am i always in the middle... I'm someone with no thinking no stand... I juz follow the flow... Like water... U wan me to go right i go right... U wan me to go left i go left... I'm so used to be in the middle... I dun even wan to make decisions myself now...

I also thought of this... Y can't i have a relationship which a girl who i really like also likes me also... And live very happily... Izzit because i am a lousy fren then god wants me to suffer to see others happy???

(some pple may not agree with the paragraph below...)
I always thought... I try to make pple happy... I dun care my own self... But i juz wan my frenz around me to be happy... I do some of the good things... To help pple... But y i cannot get the things i really had wished for... Shan you shan bao... Isn't it?

Another thing i had thought... Pple who are very close to me... Should know i very emotional de... Cries more easily than other guys... I really wan to cry now... I really wan to... But how? Guys think that if i cry... I will be a sissy... Then gals??? i think i would scare them away... so how???

To all my frenz looking at this blog... I sound like i kena depression ba... Actually is my life's thoughts being "vomit" out in one single blog... I can't keep it to myself le... then decide to say it out...

Frenz and brothers... I think i maybe okay ba... but i doubt i'm the same old me anymore...

Hope everything will turn out fine tmr...

Tired and sian-ed of life...

2006-08-10T02:52:00.000+08:00

A short blog...

Haiz... Finally got a time to blog... But then a short time only... Haiz... It's ard 3 now... muz go sleep liao... But a short message to all... I'm really busy with outings and hmk... If i had accidentally ps u all or smth... my apologies... It's my fault...

Specially

To jia qun... i sat say wan call u go see fireworks on tues... But i went skating then forgot to call u go see fireworks... really sorrie leh...

To jin long... Ps sia... really busy leh... think u also ba... but jia you!!!

To tammie... Really sorrie i cannot be a very good advisor... sorrie leh... i noe u are very unhappy... But hope u can try to be happy arh... dun think too much...

To the rest of my frenz out there... Dun think too much ba... Any unhappiness please come find me... I find time to talk to u all... hahaz... This message is specially to jun yong, wei long, jim, jin long and tammie...

To all!!!
I'm getting better le... I only feeling very stressed abt hmk!!! Hahaz... Thanks to all that care for me... Wish u all, all the best in everything u all do...

2006-08-03T00:38:00.000+08:00

Boring and too structured of a life???

I hate this life... I hate my life to be everyday scheluded... 6 wake up bath then 6 30 go down to wait for bus (for mon wed and fri) and 6 50 (for tue and thurs)... Wait for Tammie to come... (if she got wake up early) Take bus to sch... Go through tutorials and lectures... Plus extra lessons... All adds up to like going home at 5 or 6... Go home eat dinner... Chiong homework until 1 then sleep... Then the whole thing repeats itself... I found myself to have no life... I HATE this life!!! I wan to go out i wan to relax!!! But assignments homeworks and test... I can't stop to catch a breather... Sometimes i am so tired... But still have to study and do homework... Then i found myself sleeping in lectures... Wat's the point of me going to sch rite??? y not i juz stay at home and study??? I juz dunno lah...

Last week i said i'm bothered by somethings... But it's partially over le... I felt better liao... Then i more bothered by my own relatioship problem... i think i got my priorities confused le... Studies first rite??? but now... Wat i can think is her... Y arh??? I wan study le... Cannot do this... ArgH!!!!!!!!!!!

In sch... There's this gal who i had a crush last year... A gal who is a very chio gal and the gal who i will nv be with... She likes branded stuff... The one thing which i can nv give... So i did nothing abt this gal... I nv said that i like her or anything... Maybe that's the reason y when i see her around in sch... I will suddenly feel so happy... In the past... I had sad experiences or bad endings with the girls that i had like before... This time... I nv tell her... And the feeling slowly goes away... I felt good... The only girl who i like and nv make me sad... Hope she really can find someone she really likes... Hahaz...(that won't be me of course)

I dunno lah.... So stressed... Hope this coming sat can go skate and relax le... hahaz... Sayoz guys...

2006-07-28T01:34:00.000+08:00

A summarised blog...

Sunday 23 july

Went skating at ecp... although there's only a few of us there... I still had a lot of fun there... Coz we got skate fast again that day... I hai qm to fall from his bike sia... (sorrie leh qm) Then went to the ring to skate lor... I'm pretty happy with my performance that day... I can cross skate more smooth liao le... Not very sure correct or not... Muz ask sebas... Hahaz... But quite disappointed with my front T lor... Did like 1 successful one then the rest fall lor... Fell on my butt many times that day... (Pain Sia!!!) Then went home after that lor... reach home around 11...

Monday to thursday... (24 to 27 july)

Boring life in sch... Every lunch and breaks are use to finish all the homeworks... I dun understand y teachers wan so much of us??? I mean we also wan good results rite??? they gave homework after homework and plus remedial and extra lessons... how are we suppose to do the homework at home??? Or should i say how are we suppose to have any form of rest??? On thurs... Mr pang got angry with all 3 classes... demanded us to finish the 3 physics paper then can go... But i noe he will make concessions de... In the end... some of us can leave early after completing either paper 2 or 3... Haiz... Bored sia... Hai me cannot meet wei long and jin long lor... Crap life now... Only one thing in mind... Finish homework lor... My 5th day of sleeping late liao... Sianz....

2006-07-23T12:52:00.000+08:00

Saturday 22 july...

Actually thought that we are skating today... But in the end... I end up at mandy ah gong de birthday there... At temasek club there... Hmm... Y am i there leh??? Mandy call me last minute to go help out with her skit... Hahaz... Then i was suppose to act lor... Hahaz... Hmm... act as spector for the wei qi and tea making then was a stand for wei long de caligraphy writing... Oh... Forgot... Wei long is acting as mandy's ah gong... Hahaz...Hmm... Mandy's ah gong is 100 years old liao... So happy for him... Is like 1 century le... How i wish i can be like mandy's ah gong... Live for so long... Hehez...

During the course of meals being served... Jun yong ask me pei him out to smoke...Hmm.. We sat at the chair there then started talking abt our xin shi... Hahaz... Then wei long came and join us... Talk arh talk arh.. we decided to go back... Hahaz... But when we go back... I had the feeling of drinking beer... Dunno why... i kept drinking and drinking... (sorrie sebas.. Took ur beer... )Then me sebas wei long and jun yong... Went high on drinking... Hahaz... Then sebas face was so red lah.. Lolx... Then after the whole event... We wanted to go into a pub.. But that pub muz have proper attire to go in de... Me wei long and sebas dun have mah... So we stay outside to play the piano lor... So fun sia... Sebas play... Then the 3 of us sing... So fun sia... Then sebas played a piece created by him... It's was so nice and so touching sia... I felt so touched... How i wish i can be like sebas... And play a song for a girl i like lor... Hahaz...

Hahaz... Kinda dun care any mattersat hand now... Dun feel like studying sia... Plus my own friendhip problem i also dun wan care... Juz wan to go skate... Hahaz... Think skating later... So happy sia...